I Am No Longer a Victim

 "I'm sorry, you just make me so mad". How many times I've heard that, I thought as I rubbed my swollen cheek.
  It started out perfect, I met a man that was handsome, smart, and could make anyone laugh. He was the life of the party. Everyone thought he was the greatest. He was 11 yrs older than me and the most passionate lover I have ever known. I was in love and it was perfect, the first year- until I got pregnant.
  He didn't want this baby. He wanted me to have an abortion but I could not. Finally, after two months he realized this baby was not going anywhere. Everything changed. He became controlling and abusive. He gave me a black eye when I was three months pregnant. He cried and said he was sorry- "it would never happen again".
  It did happen again. It happened when he thought I was looking at another man, it happened when another man spoke to me, it happened a lot. I took it because this was the father of my son and I wanted my son to have a family.
  It stopped when my son was 11 months old. I did something that day to set him off. He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me through the house with our son crawling behind us crying. He choked me, slapped me, pulled my earring out and all could think of was my sweet, precious son screaming and staring at us. I let him finish the abuse and after he apologized for the 100th time, I scooped up my son and made some excuse about getting something out of the car. I drove (with my son) to the police station. As I was walking in he had followed me in his car and he pulled up to the police station begging me not to do this. My God, that was hard. 
  The police pressed charges. I did not want to- I just wanted it to stop. They took pictures and pressed charges. We had to go to court where a woman gave me a domestic abuse card. He did not go to jail but the experience put the fear of god in him and he NEVER touched me again.
   We are not together and that was the BEST thing I could have done for myself and my son. I did not want my son to learn that kind of "respect" for women from his father. I am now married to a wonderful man who lays his arms around me never on me. He has the utmost respect for his wife and my son sees a loving relationship every day.
vanilla vanilla
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 8, 2007

I don't think I will ever have the courage to leave...one reason is if we seperate he will have the kids alone and at precisly a time he would be enraged..so I am afraid he will hurt them and it might be worse than physcial...so thier are no marks on them that you can see...it might be pychological..however I think he is doing that to them now..I wish I knew...My son says he doesn't do anything yet he is really unusually fidgety and acts weird[I can't eplain it ..like he is hyped up]...maybe that is normal 14yr old behavior but it feels to me like it might be post ramatic stress syndrome...all this rambling to ask anyone...in a 14yr old child what would ptss look like,

You can file for a protective order and he wouldn't be able to see the children unsupervised. Especially if he has a record.

i hope to get that curage ,soon i hope i to wode like a normel life some day.i dont know what is normel eney more.wish me luck!?

I wish I had the conviction that you seem to have. I just really want it to stop. I am in the I feel guilty stage.

Glad you got out and that you are happy. I wish this on everyone who is going through this.

WHat a happy ending. I, too, need to find that inner strength in me. Congrats!