30 Things I’ve Learned About Love from My Emotionally Abusive, Narcissistic, Alcoholic Husband
1. If you trust someone, they will repay you with suspicion and jealously.
2. If you offer someone a sincere compliment or express gratitude, your words will be met with suspicion, then rejected and spat on. In exchange you will be met with accusations of being selfish and self-absorbed.
3. Sex is to be delivered on demand without being asked for. This is your duty and responsibility. You are to pretend to enjoy it and offer many praises of prowess and adoration for his ability to pleasure you. All praises will be met with suspicion and rejected. (See #2.)
4. If you look nice, you are obviously engaging in extramarital affairs.
5. You should want things. Material things that match with his values and interests. But when you do ask for things you will be met with hostility for depleting financial resources.
6. If you accept a gift from him, be prepared to deal with the strings that are attached to that gift. The strings are always there.
7. If you ache to see someone struggling and offer love and acceptance, you will be held accountable for not being able to solve another’s unsolvable problems.
8. The more you try to help make things better, the worse you will make your situation. Each effort will be another loop in your own noose.
9. If you are happy, expect to be demoralized to an appropriate level of misery.
10. You are not allowed to be sad, gloomy, depressed, irritable or otherwise upset. You should be happy. But not too happy. (See above).
11. If you find joy in things, you must justify, explain and quantify the reason that thing gives you joy. These justifications will be met with suspicion and hostility until you no longer find joy in that thing.
12. You should not enjoy your job or career. Outward expressions of enjoyment for one’s job will be met with hostility, jealously, resentment and demeaning comments that invalidate what you do as a “real job.” If you enjoy your job, you must make up for this crime by taking care of all other household responsibilities so the other party who is miserable in his job may “catch up” in the scorekeeping in life’s miseries.
13. Everything is your fault. No exceptions.
14. You should immediately accept an apology and forgive and forget when the man deigns to grant you any show of remorse. Your healing from wounds should be instantaneous and leave no residual evidence of the hurt.
15. You should automatically trust the other party, even though trust will never be extended to you.
16. Should you try to voice your opinion or discontent about an issue, expect the other party to interrupt you with his explanation of why your opinion doesn’t matter and why his position is more right. It is best to never speak.
17. You should always keep up polite conversation. This should be meaningful conversation, but should only be topics the other party wishes to discuss that particular day. You must develop mind reading powers because no other guidelines will be given. Keep all conversation free of your opinions. Only make conversation that matches his perspective, beliefs and values. Walking on eggshells is a good standard practice.
18. The other party is entitled to give you the silent treatment for any reason or no reason. You are not entitled to an explanation of what warranted the episode of silent treatment. There is no time limit on length of silent treatment. This is purely at the discretion of the other party.
19. You are not entitled to be quiet. (See #16 and #17.)
20. Always have a solution to any problem that arises. If you do not have a solution, be prepared to be met with suspicion for withholding your omnipotence from the other party.
21. Do not ask for help. Do not talk about your problems. Everyone is out to manipulate and hurt you (him).
22. All learning must have a clear purpose and objective. Be prepared to justify any and all topics of learning. If what you are learning does not have a clear and specific tie to making money, you will be ridiculed and met with hostility for selfishly taking resources away from the family.
23. Expect to be mocked and ridiculed when you ask Google for answers to questions or other immediate actions to seek learning.
24. If you talk to other people or have other friends, you are obviously talking trash about your spouse. While friends are not expressly forbidden, you will pay a hefty price for maintaining relationships outside of the relationship with your spouse.
25. You will be required to make all big decisions for the family. You will also be blamed should any of those decisions result in less than desirable results.
26. Do NOT under any circumstances make any big decisions without painful hours of circular discussion that involves making and unmaking the decision with your spouse. Failure to discuss these decisions will result in years of hostility and resentment.
27. No matter what you’ve experienced, struggled through or endured, he has always experienced worse and deserves all the attention, sympathy and energy.
28. Children are fine as long as they behave, are appropriately playful or subdued, and do not detract all attention away from their father.
29. If you give someone your everything, they will take it all and then demand more.
30. If you love someone with all your heart, if you expose your vulnerability to your most tender, precious parts, they will damage the deepest parts of you leaving you irreparably shattered. Then they will make you think it was all your fault and will scorn you and blame you throwing it all away.
KMarie789 KMarie789
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

You just wrote my life! Finally, i can breath because somewhere someone gets it!