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What Now???

So I was with this man for over 5 years....  I married him August 16, 2007.  I left for my honeymoon literally the day after my wedding to Hawaii.  Well, two weeks after we got back the name calling started.. Your fat... you don't do it for me anymore... etc... Just things to hurt me...  He would let me cry for hours in my room by myself with no remorse.  That killed me!!!  He did have a lot of really sweet and loving moments, but the bad started to take over the good.  Anyways, I don't mean to go on and on.  Shortly after the physical started.  Keep in mind in 5'2 115lb and he's 6'0 220 totally built... He is no compititon when it comes to physical...Did I mention 7 years in the military.  I'm tough, but not that tough.  Well,  Here's just a few things.... He broke my finger, almost broke my ribs, punched me as hard as could, shoved me, etc... the list goes on....... I finally kicked him out and he's been gone since October 2008.  I am still in so much pain... He wants me back but I've stood my ground.  I am still in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much pain.  So back to the title...................WHAT NOW??????!!! If anyone has any advise please send it my way.  I neeeeeeeeeeed it.

pitbu11lover pitbu11lover 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 12, 2009

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Damn straight! I'm proud of you for standing your ground! Continue to hold your own! I wouldn't trust him... If he was in the marines and if h caused all that physical pain / damage it sounds like he has a very bad temper. Don't o back to him... Hold your ground and stand strong!!!!

Never go back to hell. I'd never trust a military man with his behavior cause they're all in war all the time. Go to a victom's advocate center for advice and get help.

there is no excuse for abuse. I've dated emotionally and verbally abusive women and I found them to be every bit as manipulative and conniving as abusive and destructive men. Bottom line is this: no one should be mistreated in a relationship and, if you are being mistreated, get help as soon as possible.

You know the answer inside...you don't need to hear it from anyone else. Listen to the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you think of him. You know the truth. You need only to trust yourself. Remember the reasons why you kicked him out. Remember the things that make you happy. Feed your hungers, in other words, do things that inspire you and make you feel alive. Focus on the here and now, learn from the past and act now to make the future you envision a reality. Check out Michael Losier on youtube... He talks about the law of attraction and how we have the power to create our reality. <br />
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YOU HAVE THE POWER! HE HAS NO POWER OVER YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE IT TO HIM!<br />
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May you be blessed and stay strong in your resolve to make your life beautiful. You deserve it.

Thank goodness, he showed his true colours so quickly! so men, do it slowley over the years, they start off with the verbal abuse then emotional abuse then finaly physical abuse! You have had a lucky escape, do not go back to him! Get urself free from the negitivity he drowned you in, and start loveing urself again. He will try and make u think that the things he did was ur fault, he will also try to play on ur good nature. Please be happy with who u r and u will find someone who treats u with respect! be brave!

Hi, Sweetie,<br />
Your story touched my heart. I've been an advocate for survivors of domestic and sexual violence for over 20 years. I'm so proud of you for moving on from your situation and encourage you to stay strong now. <br />
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If you'd like to talk more with me, feel free to email me at ilmmjb@live.com<br />
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You are not alone. You are perfect and beautiful just as you. There is life beyond this shaky, uncertain moment. I know. I survived intense bad stuff and live to tell.<br />
<br />
Hisdoll

Hi Honey,<br />
I married a man who gave me a few black eyes, and slapped me around. One day when my first born was a baby I said you touch me again I'm gone. He didn't hit me again. BUT he just found another way to abuse me that I would take. Emotional abuse. And that abuse is so insidious...two decades later I'm only just realizing whats been done to me. Please...you did the bravest, thing. YOU LEFT. Now you stay strong. NO CONTACT AT ALL. Because he will do everything he can to convince he's changed. Don't believe him. One day you could be me two decades later, three kids(no regrets there), but damage, and handcuffs ON ME...wondering how you got to this point. You lose yourself. I was out of my body for twenty-one years. God Bless and Stay strong. Marie

what karla said-<br />
You have done a TREMENDOUS, STRONG act by leaving. YOU are a strong person, and the only way to beat it is with knowledge. You are on the right path. This person is not even worth cow **** on a flat rock. I think violent husbands should have their limbs paralyzed.

get a proctive order for ur self! stay away from him he will try to win you back but if u ever go back he will hurt u worse. take it from a fellow surviver u can make it and u can heal can i add u as my friend if u ever want to talk iam here oh by the way my name is karla

I am going through a divorce right now...my husband changed after the vows, too...and started with the verbal...then added a few more forms of abuse, before doing physical abuse....he choked me, pushed me, spit in my face, restrained me....my list could go on, too...<br />
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I congratulate you for kicking him out....you recognized the problem, and stood up for yourself....Whatever you do.....stand your ground....the abuse would only get worse, if you took him back, because he's been stewing for months, now....believe me...it's been building up....<br />
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It is him...not you...it's a faulty core belief system, that he learned somewhere along the road...and it's not likely at all, that he would ever change....Anger management is not his problem...He is an abuser....<br />
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God Bless, and message me anytime, if there is anything I can do to help you through this...God Bless.

I am happy to see so many smart people giving you great advice! <br />
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Bottom Line: YOU DESERVE BETTER for your life. He is a very sick man and no one should be in any kind of relationship with him until he has successfully received serious help and truly changes.<br />
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Take care of yourself and do all you can to avoid this sick man. This IS NOT LOVE.

Your choices are limited but I would suggest changing the locks, taking out a restraining order, moving with no forwarding address, divorce, or as a last resort - inserting a .45 caliber piece of lead behind his left ear.<br />
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Seriously - GET OUT! You know inside what you have to do. DO IT! If you think nobody else would want you, you're wrong. If you think you can't make it, you're wrong.<br />
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All things are possible with the right attitude.<br />
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Go for it!

whatever you do, please don't go back to this man! if you managed to get him out of your life, don't let him back in. keep standing your ground. if he did all of that before, he'll do it again.