What Now???

So I was with this man for over 5 years....  I married him August 16, 2007.  I left for my honeymoon literally the day after my wedding to Hawaii.  Well, two weeks after we got back the name calling started.. Your fat... you don't do it for me anymore... etc... Just things to hurt me...  He would let me cry for hours in my room by myself with no remorse.  That killed me!!!  He did have a lot of really sweet and loving moments, but the bad started to take over the good.  Anyways, I don't mean to go on and on.  Shortly after the physical started.  Keep in mind in 5'2 115lb and he's 6'0 220 totally built... He is no compititon when it comes to physical...Did I mention he was 7 years in the military.  I'm tough, but not that tough.  Well,  Here's just a few things.... He broke my finger, almost broke my ribs, punched me as hard as could, shoved me, etc... the list goes on....... I finally kicked him out and he's been gone since October 2008.  I am still in so much pain... He wants me back but I've stood my ground.  I am still in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much pain.  So back to the title...................WHAT NOW??????!!! If anyone has any advise please send it my way.  I neeeeeeeeeeed it.

pitbu11lover pitbu11lover
26-30, F
8 Responses Mar 12, 2009

You are doing the right thing and being soooooo strong. Most of us would have caved in and let him come home. I am proud of you.<br />
I hope you are in counseling if not get one asap.Make sure it is counselor that is familar and specializes in DV, they all do not. Also make sure it is woman, you already have men issues. Build up your self esteem. They completely wear away at it, take down the person we are. We begin to doubt, and start to believe them.<br />
I also agree with stillivnwithit about a dog. My mutt is about the best protection. She is very protective of mommy, even more so than the kids. She scared away a man trying to break in last year, 6 weeks after hubby was forced to leave.<br />
Do you have a protective order? If not get one asap--you can get one anytime if you feel threatened by another person, or that person has attempted physical harm on you.<br />
Anytime you are having a moment of weakness, thinking about him and how much you love him...think about this he does NOT love you if he did would he hurt you. Think about the broken bones, the bruises you had to hide because he hurt you. Is that what you want the rest of your life?<br />
Keep on keeping on. I suggest finding a support group for abused women. It is one of the greates things I ever did for myself. These women actually get it, no one else does. We understand and feel for each other. You need that.<br />
I speak from my heart and from what I know being a victim of DV. You are not alone. Need to talk feel free to PM me.

STAY STRONG SWEETHEART. I'VE BEEN THERE AND HAVE EVERY T-SHIRT. STAND YOUR GROUND. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING AND DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH. HE DESERVES TO BE IN JAIL. AS A MILITARY PERSON, HE DOES NOT TO TANGLE WITH THE POLICE. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. THAT WON'T KEEP HIM AWAY. BUT IT WILL TELL HIM YOU ARE SERIOUS. DON'T EVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN SWEETHEART. I NOW HAVE A GUN AND TWO TRAINED DOGS. A FORMER POLICE SHEPHERD AND A ROTTWEILER WHO DOESN'T LIKE MEN. MY ROTTY WAS COSTLY, BUT I FEEL SO MUCH SAFER. BELIEVE ME, NOBODY WANTS TO MESS WITH A DOG. THESE MEN ARE COWARDS. DOGS ARE SMART. THEY KNOW WHO THE BAD GUYS ARE! YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. ROTTY'S ARE KIND AND LOVING DOGS TO THEIR OWNERS.THEY ARE FAMILY DOGS. BUT MEN DON'T PICK A BATTLE THEY DON'T KNOW THEY CAN WIN. A MEAN LOOKING DOG DOESN'T SCARE!

Just...Stay strong. You are better than that. You deserve better treatment than that. If he truly loved you, he would have never done anything to cause you pain. Believe me, I've been there. Look, you only have one life...don't waste any more of it like this...you deserve to be happy. To be loved. To live a life without abuse. Contact me if you need someone to talk to.

i went through the same thing my fella hit me called me fat so i lost so much weight i was 7 and a half stone and still i was fat he hit me in front of my kids he slashed my face open and he bit me under my eye so that the skin was hanging of i left him and now im engaged to be married with the only man ive ever trusted and loved and ive never been so happy wot im saying is you will find happieness again i did and so will you

Stay strong and don't give in to him! Thats a trait that these abusers have! They know how to be so gentle with their words when they need to be, but then SO UGLY when they want to! They know how to mess with your head and what not. You are a very strong person and someone that I need to be more like. I give advices, and yet, I don't even follow my own!<br />
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But don't give up. You are an example of hope!

Domestic violence is a crime (at least in Europe) and you should report it to police. <br />
You may love him, but in 99% of cases violent men never change. Unless they undertake some therapy or so. But that kind of violence is like alcoholism - the person will never get free of it, he learns only to keep it under control.

I would check in your area for local shelters. They usually have support groups or counselors that will see you on a one on one basis. I am not sure about where you are, but here they are at no charge. They will help you know that you are not alone, and can possibly give you information on community resources if you need them.<br />
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I hope that it all goes smoothly for you!<br />
Remember: You are not alone.<br />
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God bless you! :-)