Love Shouldn't Hurt..

I met my husband 2 years ago. We fell in love fast, and married after nearly a year of dating. He was so charming at first that I was completely head over heels for him. The abuse started slowly, with him shaking me, then pushing me. It eventually led to one night being thrown into a wall, pushed down, kicked in the ribs 3 or 4 times and sat on. I started to drink heavily and nearly killed myself. The abuse got worse and worse until one night he had had enough. He beat me in the head over 20 times as we were driving in the car, dragged me in the house and tied my arms behind my back. He sodomised me and choked me so bad I nearly passed out and there were visible bruises on my neck. I called the police, but nothing was done. He came back later that night, and since I had downed a bottle of Jack Daniels and was feeling lonely I let him talk to me. He eventually wore me down and I took him back. The abuse stopped for several months until I found out I was pregnant. Over the course of my pregnancy he threw me down, hit me in the stomach, smothered me with a pillow, sat on me (He was about 300 pounds then) raped me, hit me in the face so hard it cracked my cheekbone and gave me a black eye that stayed for about 3 weeks. He would punch me in the head so hard I would have seizures, but through all that I stayed. I have suffered at least 60 beatings from this man throughout 2 years, until the night I drew the line. He attacked me while I was holding my infant child, who was hurt in the struggle and I had enough. He is now sitting in jail and I though I am extremely heart broken and still in love with this man, I am actually happier than I have been in quite a long time. It's hard, and I still have weak moments where I want to be with him, but I know I can't give in.

LettertoElise LettertoElise
3 Responses Mar 22, 2009

It's weird isn't it, to be in love with someone who hurt you that way; but you are right, you need to not give in. While he's in jail I hope you are arranging life for yourself and your baby's future. I have finally accepted myself that the need to be safe is far greater than the addiction I had to my last love. Keep yourself safe and happy; get help when needed, and don't give in to the addiction.

What a brave woman you are for leaving, you should be very proud of yourself. I promise you it will get better and you deserve so much better.

I'm so glad you know that. You shouldn't give in. When they're gone, it's normal to start missing him. You'll start thinking about all the good things. But please, don't give in. You don't deserve this and don't feel any guilt because he deserves being in jail! Your child also doesn't deserve this! He is an innocent being. Help him by leaving all the negativity out of his life and yours!