Here & Now

I am a 39 year old woman and have been in denial for quite awhile. I know that much of my choices has been with men whom appear to be together have a 'spiritual foundation,' etc......... But as of late I am wondering if I am attracting this type of individual. I will say this I am a woman who has been in recovery from alcoholism and had sobriety for some time.I slipped and my current boyfriend who is also in recovery has been resentful sinse my relapse. I feel stuck and very alone. I have alot of guilt regarding my relapse, and am trying to make things right. However, I feel emotionally abused and now it has become psychical.  I stay away from a.a meetings because the circles are so tight. He has recently broke my anominity which is sacred. I hurt.  he shoves and hits and in my mind i feel i deserve it. he says if I quit drinking it will stop. I have done that. It didn't . This is the first time in months i have talked about this. There is a place where I llive where I can go for help. I am afraid. thank you for listening.

 dawinak in Olympia

saraba01 saraba01
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 4, 2009

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but listen to me and to SM... you need to GET OUT OF THERE!! Please!

Ya know,I was the wife of an alcoholic and drug addict.When I went into the twelve step prgram,he resented it and things became worse,if it could have gotten worse.I realize now that he was scared.He was scared that I might not need him anymore,that his addiction wouldn't be able to control me,and that I would get better and become my own person.Of course,over the years,he was right,I got better and he got worse.When I say I got better,the disease affects everyone involved.<br />
Whether we're the alcoholhic/drug addict,or the wife/husband of one,we still go through the pain.When he got angry,I grabbed onto my program tighter than ever and didn't give up.Those people are there to help and support you and they've been through this.Open up and talk to them and you will see that you will never regret it.My twelve step program saved my life and gave me the strength and courage to say....no more!

I am very sorry to here about your illness .I know you might think its the end of the world But i promise you there is aways light at the end of the tunnel. And they will be for you. I know I have been through it, <br />
with love Start a new day today <br />
Miriam