Can They Change?

I always hear that men who abuse will never change.  Does anyone have a story where they did get help and have changed?  I have been trying for two years to get away from my husband.  I have left him twice after our last altercation two years ago that put him in jail and got him the help he needed.  He tells me that he has changed, that he was taught how to control his anger, and wants to make it up to me.  I know it sounds cheesy and as I'm writing this I tell myself that you have been here before but what if he has changed?  When Alcoholics stop drinking, they still remain an alcoholic, but they have changed, they stopped drinking. He says he is still an abuser, but knows now how not to abuse.  He cries alot now and he never did before.  What he did put me in the hospital for a couple of days, no permanant damage to my face but it did to my heart.  We have a five year old daughter together and I never wanted her to grow up in a divorced home.  I did, and it was a struggle.  Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.

soulfulsound soulfulsound
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 22, 2009

I believe, depending on how severe the abuser was, that positive change is possible. Your situation is more severe. I don't know if you should take him back. My brothers wife left him, they got help, he is still in counseling, got a control of his anger and his wife and him are back together, 6 years and going. Of coarse he never put her in the hospital, let alone beat on her. He would just explode and yell throw things. Now I never see him angry. It can happen. Good luck!

did u take him back? did he change?

...I know personally, when the trust is gone, the relationship is over. Can you trust him again... better to split and live than go back and be killed... it is not far fetched, the number one killers of women, are their husbands...

I don't think they can!! BUT the choice is at the end yours to stay or not to stay with him! you cant fix him!! And please don't worry about your child, don't you think that its better to live with two loving parents than all the fighting that will forever affect her feelings about men!!!<br />
The physical pain you will get over, but the emotional and mental stays forever.

well... i think the best thing you could do right now is pray about it. God will probably show you what to do.