Dont Want To Love Him Any More

i was with my ex for 3 years. he was my first and i was his first love. the first yr everything was wonderful. then he got kicked out his house so he moved with my family during the summer but we got into a tussle so he moved out. we got back together but things got worse as time went on. whenever he was broke and had no where to go he was a great bf. but as soon as he got a job he started cheating all the time and lying about it which drove me insane. then he kept putting his hands on me even when i didnt hit him first. he even spit in my face before just because i accused him of liking his sister's friend. recently we fought cuz he was with another female for 4 months. i came out the fight with a black eye.

wat hurts me the most is that hes the wrong one but doesnt want to talk to me because i said screw him. also, it hurts me a lot that hes not remorseful of any of the things he did or said to me and he doesnt care at all that he ruined our relationship.

 last night i cried so hard that i almost could breathe, i couldnt talk, and had to catch my breath. i know he doesnt deserve me  and i need to stop contacting him but its so hard when thats all you know. i just wish i could stop loving him and leave him alone for good.

healbutnothate healbutnothate
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 9, 2010

Er...yea, what she said. Damn! Get thee to a Nunnery from this guy. You don't love him, you need emotional support and maybe he has delivered some of the goods here in his moments of need but he sounds like the type of guy that will pretend that he will provide exchange for sex and you turning a blind eye to his proclivities. Once he has the milk though, he's only going to go looking for more milk. This is not a relationship you want to pursue, he has too far to go to change into the man you need. No, children do not make things easier and make your companion love you more. Having children test the strength and temper the motives of your affection, if those motives are pure, love increases, if your just a means to an end, you can bet on misery like shooting fish in a barrel. I'm not experienced enough to comment further, at least I hope I am not. Good luck. :S

I feel for you, but you have got to take a stand and be done with the relationship. It is hard, I know you love him, but it will never change because he will never change. I am a 41 year old woman who is fresh out of a 4 year abusive relationship-all my relationships have been abusive for the most part, and this one was the worst. He blames me for going to jail for hitting me, he blames me for everything- he is a drunken abusive man that I have to get away from. He never cheated, but I am think if he would of it would of got him away from me. I wish you the best and hope u chose to get away, don't let the cycle follow you. God Bless