A Letter To My Sister Who Suffers Domestic Violence


Background: my sister almost killed by her husband. She filed a court order to protect herself from her husband. Her husband refused to give any financial support to her during the seperation which is against the court order and she had no income and money and was living in a DV shelter. After 5 months now, her husband said his DV behaviors were self-defense.

The below is my letter to my sister. I must admit my language is strong and straight. I don't know how to sound light and polite under this condition. 


"A thought I didn't mention,

Let's assume your husband will not change his behavior as he is now for the

next 20 years, and you will be staying with him. His violent behavior

will only be reinforced because your staying with him will only

encourage his violent behaviors toward you after what you done to him.

What are the chances this will be the case? If you are 55 now living

in such condition, what would you do (with no job and skills)?

On the other hand, what if you are starting over right now? What do

you want in the next 20 years? Can the above (worst case) scenario be

what you want?

Personally, I don't like chances. I believe what it is now. There is

always a chance for everything. It is too fickle, especially about

human heart. The truth is what we are seeing right now and the past.

There is no illusion. After you are realizing the truth and the cost

of every decision you makes, I will be happy for you, because it is

your choice. No matter what happens, you have the freedom to make this

choice.  So now, I am asking you to seriously think about this

decision with logic, not emotion. This is not a movie. This is real

life. There is no second life.

I don't like movie, songs and TV dramas because they are preaching

dreams or consumer marketing. A dream is not real, it will only lead

me stray from reality.

Given we both are very different people, it is hard to learn from

people different to ours. I hope at least you will consider my trait

which is logic. What is happening to you can be the best thing happen

to you when comparing you turn 50s and living a life in regret and

bitterness and dreams"

Philazcom Philazcom
2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

Dear Philazcom,<br />
<br />
I am dealing with the result of my sister's decision to stay with her husband, who was psychologically abusive, not physical. My brother-in-law, after thirty years of marriage, decided to kill my sister, but he sent my niece with her as well. My sister is now a Silent Witness, hence my login name. I also felt like a silent witness because I was my sister's confidant, the only one who knew her side of everything. I have found this site because I am now very lonely and can't find anyone I can trust to help me pull my life back together. I am going to tell your sister that if she cares about herself at all, then leave, and fast. If not, ask her to please consider what the result of her staying is going to do to her family. If that doesn't do it, then I suggest you write everything down that you know she has been through and have her sign it, maybe even notorize it. You will need it for your testimony in court. I will be your support, not your sister's, so please send me a message whenever you need someone to talk to. I started a blog on this site yesterday called "Do you know what your purpose is?" which is going to chronicle what I have been through for the last six years. I invite you to check it out. God Bless You and please, please take time to feel the prayers and acknowledge the angels.

Thanks. She is a strong girl. It is easy to be logical when I am not inside the situation. Thanks so much. When you said you love your circle, you really mean it. I am impressed by your authenticity. Keep in touch!