When Is It Enough?

I have been with my husband for 7 years, we have a 5, 2 and 1 year old whome are the lights of my life.  During the first years of our relationship my husband was a genuinly sweet person who did so much for me and helped me through rough patches of my life.  After we had our first daughter the abuse started slowly.  First it was verbal, then emotional, and here and there it can get physical, only it doesnt happen anymore because I learned to walk on egg shells so-to-speak to purposly avoid those confrontations.  hes shoved me a few times and choked me and kicked me once but usually its emotional and verbal.  He is starting to do this in front of my kids and its breaking my heart.  Hes lost his job now I am working over time to pay the bills plus I do almost everything at home but its never good enough.  he takes folded clothes and throws them on the ground when its not folded the way he wants them, he will take perfectly clean dishes and put them back in the sink for me to clean if he thinks they arent to his liking and he mainly just sits around and watches T.V.  In the past I've stuck up for myself and have asked for help but now its very rare to ask because I know the torment and abuse will start on me.  Im always the wrong one and I'm always the person who "makes" him treat me the way he does. 

Hes gotten us into many, and when I say many I mean it, financial situations.  he spends and spends and doesnt tell me until i find out we owe thousands of dollars.  My parents are pretty well off so they have helped inthe past.  Hes drove semi for my dad twice and both times hes lost his job from a D.U.I.  and both times he was sopposed to be leaving for work but went to the bar with friends instead.  He has shows now remorse until I leave.  which I have twice now but then he comes back and apoligizes and promises the world to me.  he was brought up in a very abusive family.  His dad was awful to him now I see him slowly losing his temper on our oldest for small things.  All in all he is a good dad and plays but he does nothing to support any of us.

To you people out there whose been through this HELP ME!  How do I leave?  My parents have already told me they will pay off my house so I wouldnt have financial burden but I made a vow to him!  It feels almost like a lose lose situation.

This is just a FEW things, the list goes on to blaming me for having the kids, telling me he wished I'd have aborted them when hes been drinking and to calling me *unt, *itch, worthless, ugly, fat (Im 5 ft 4 in and 120 lbs) NOT FAT!

mshuls3 mshuls3
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 24, 2010

He made a vow to you also. Which seems he has not kept. Accept help from your parents. There are a lot of people in your shoes that have no support, emotional or financial to fall back on. Your children deserve to see loving relationships so they will have them. God Bless you and your kids.

honey, you just need to get up and put shoes on.i've a sister-in-law in very much the same situation as you describe and it is always the same,he's sorry,it'll never happen again,he can't live without her etc.etc.and of course it remains the same as you describe,over and over again.if you have your parents who can help you so dramatically,take advantage of that and leave now!!get a restraining order and begin to establish a life that you don't need to fear or as you decribe "walking on eggshells"<br />
if not for anything else it is unfair to the kids.there ARE decent guys out there,fellas that will respect you and love you just as you are.i'm sure you're a pretty girl but even if not so much,that has nothing to do with love.just a short story.my son is 29yrs. old and i remember when he was born.my wife had a hard time with the delivery and had numerous veins burst in her face and she looked pretty beat up.ya know what i said to her when i saw her the first time after our son was born and she back in a a room?i told her i'd never seen her look more beautiful than she did that very moment.that was love.<br />
35yrs.later still do.us decent men are out there.get away from this bum and find him.i wish you well,honey,take good care

honey, you just need to get up and put shoes on.i've a sister-in-law in very much the same situation as you describe and it is always the same,he's sorry,it'll never happen again,he can't live without her etc.etc.and of course it remains the same as you describe,over and over again.if you have your parents who can help you so dramatically,take advantage of that and leave now!!get a restraining order and begin to establish a life that you don't need to fear or as you decribe "walking on eggshells"<br />
if not for anything else it is unfair to the kids.there ARE decent guys out there,fellas that will respect you and love you just as you are.i'm sure you're a pretty girl but even if not so much,that has nothing to do with love.just a short story.my son is 29yrs. old and i remember when he was born.my wife had a hard time with the delivery and had numerous veins burst in her face and she looked pretty beat up.ya know what i said to her when i saw her the first time after our son was born and she back in a a room?i told her i'd never seen her look more beautiful than she did that very moment.that was love.<br />
35yrs.later still do.us decent men are out there.get away from this bum and find him.i wish you well,honey,take good care

I also went through a very similar situation. I have a wonderful 2 year old with my husband. My daughter and I are currently living with my parents after a horrifying night with my husband. He had abused me before, and in front of our daughter and she was terrified. I will never forget how scared she was. it breaks my heart that she had to see what happened. It has been ^ months since we left. Still healing, going to therapy for myself once a week for 6 months now. My husband has been sober for about 2 months now and we have been to therapy together 3 times so far and have more scheduled. To be honest, I dont know if I will ever trust him again, but I know in my heat I have tryed everything to forgive him. I know that the first step is his, he has to show empathy for what he has put myself and daughter through, and be truly sorry and admit he needs help and get it. If I cannot trust him or feel comfortable that he will never ever hurt us again, we will not work out. But he will always be a father to my daughter. Somehow he has to prove he is not a threat to us. Time, hope and prayers and support seem to be my biggest help right now. I wish you the best and hope you realize you have an inner strength. Be strong for yourself and your children, they are truly precious, nurture them to your best ability. Think of how they are affected by your actions, do what you know is best for all of you. PRAY!

I cannot begin to tell you how frozen I feel reading this. I have just finished another blog post where I am chronicling what I went through when my brother-in-law killed my sister and niece because she wanted a divorce. Please read it. My sister left him once but went back to him because she loved him. Nothing changed and eleven years later, she decided to leave. She should have never gone back. I am going to tell you to leave. Don't worry about the house unless it is just in your name. See if they will help with a lawyer instead. It will take a plan. If you need support, contact the domestic violence hotline. If they can't help you let me know. My sister is now a Silent Witness (hence my login name, see if you can google it. If not, let me know. If you don't plan to leave, I would suggest to your family to write down everything they know you have been through and get it signed by you and notorized. They may need it in court. Forget the vow. Think of your children.