The 'beast' Within

I'm going to tell my story one last time.

Saturday, August 29th - 30th, 1997, the time was somewhere between eleven o'clock at night and two o'clock in the wee hours of the morning. My Grandma had dropped Robert and I off at our little, one room apartment. The slamming of the door…the raised voices…the things hitting the wall…I swore to myself that it would never happen to me, but it did. The "beast" showed his ugly head and hurt the one he "supposedly" loved.

Earlier that evening, Robert and I met up with my best friend, Jackie. We all went to play pool at our favorite pool hall, Rac 'ems. All through the night the tension was building. Not one person could have stopped this storm from brewing. At least the storm waited till after we had left the pool hall…who wants to make a scene in front of a bunch of strangers? Not I!

In the car on the way home, the storm broke loose with all it's fury and might. In the confines of the small car, Robert lashed out at me with words…like he always did, and was very good at. He could put down the best of anyone who tried to out **** the bullshitter. Our argument got hotter, and Jackie happened to make a random comment, which poured the gas on the fire. Her comment was, "I am glad that you two don't have any kids." The reason this comment was the start of the final explosion was because the subject of kids, and pregnancy was a very touchy subject with Robert and I. It was touchy because I was not able to get pregnant in the past two years…and it was not from a lack of trying.

After Jackie made her comment the car was so silent that a person could hear a pin drop. That one comment ended the argument that Robert and I were having at the time. But little did I know that it would set off a second series of arguments later that night.

Well we took Jackie home, and then we went to pick up my Grandma. After we picked her up, she took us back to our little, one room apartment, I wanted to go to bed, because I was tired, plus I knew I had to get up to make sure Robert was ready for work. As soon as I lay down, Robert went on the warpath. He started yelling at me, because he thought that I was ignoring him…in a way I was. The next thing I knew he was throwing things at me. Nothing hit me, but I still knew that he was throwing things at me…why…because the bed was right against the wall, and I could hear things hit the wall and drop to the floor.

I got tired of this temper tantrum very quickly. I got up and said, "Okay, lets talk this out like civil adults.

Well Robert agreed to that, but it did not last long. He did not know how to act like a civil adult…all he knew was how to rant and rave and scream. But I did find out that his biggest problem was that I allow my friends to freely speak their minds to me…if a friend cannot do that, then you cannot have a friendship…right?

Well I ended up telling him that he would have to get used to my friends speaking their minds to me, and he got totally pissed off and screamed at me, "GET THE **** OUT OF MY LIFE!"

I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Okay…bye." And I headed towards the door.

When I reached the door, he was standing in front of it, blocking my way. I tried to move around him, but he would not budge. So I tried to push past him, he did not allow that…he grabbed me around my neck, and casually threw me to the ground. I guess he expected that to stop me, but it did not.

I got up and headed for the door a second time. This time I planned on going through him, instead of around him. As I headed for him, he made the mistake of grabbing my wrists. (This is a bad thing, ever since my rape.) I went totally ballistic on him. I lashed out with my knee trying to connect with his groin, yet at the same time he doubled up his fist.

The next thing I remember was sharp pain shooting up my face, and me stumbling to the floor. I can remember getting back up to my feet, my back to Robert, and the room spinning. I had my hand against my mouth, and when I pulled my hand away from my mouth, there was blood covering my hand, but I did not realize that it was blood.

What made me realize that I was bleeding, was when Robert said, "You had better go wash your face before you get blood on the carpet."

I stumbled into the bathroom, and put cold water on a wash cloth, and then I looked up into the mirror…gasping at my reflection, I started to silently cry. At that point it finally dawned on me that Robert had actually hit me. He came into the bathroom and tried to help me, but all I could do was jerk away from him and tell him not to touch me. So he left to get a bag of ice.

During the time that he was gone getting the ice, it did not occur to me to go to the phone. I was not thinking straight, so I never thought to call my Grandparents or even a friend to come pick me up. After about ten minutes, Robert returned carrying a large bag of ice. I put a handful of ice in a washcloth and put water on it to start melting the ice. Carefully placing the washcloth on my lower left jaw, I laid down in the bed once again.

Trying to get to sleep, which was restless, because my jaw throbbed, I felt Robert in the middle of the night cuddling. I knew what he wanted, and I was too tired, sore, and scared to resist him, so I laid in the bed like a rag doll, as Robert used my body to sate his pleasure. By the time I finally fell asleep it was almost sunrise. I did not even wake up when he got ready to go to work.

I did however wake up about one o'clock in the afternoon. Remembering what had happened throughout the night, I got my nerve up, and got dressed. I walked to the phone, and called Jackie. I was lucky that she was home.

I asked her, "Jackie, will you come help me get my things packed together?"

She asked me, "Why? What happened?"

I told her, "He hit me, I want to go home."

"I'll be right there." I heard her reply, before we hung up.

It took Jackie about twenty to thirty minutes to drive from her house to where I was staying. But she did not need to help me pack, because by the time she got there I had my stuff packed and ready to be loaded. When she walked into the apartment, and saw my face, she broke down into tears. We hugged while the tears fell silently down our cheeks.

She helped me load my things, and then she drove me home to my Grandparent's house. As soon as my Grandpa seen my face, he called the local County Sheriff's Department. Franklin County sent out a deputy. The deputy took my statement about what happened, and then took pictures of my face. He then escorted me back to the apartment, incase I might have forgotten anything.

After leaving the apartment, we went back to my Grandparents house, where the deputy strongly pressed me to file for an "Ex Parte" which is an Order of Protection. I reassured the deputy that I would do that first thing Monday morning. After my promise, the deputy left.

I had Jackie drive me to the Hospital to the Emergency Room. I waited about two to three hours, before they were even able to get me into a room…thank God I was not dying or something. Nine x-rays and another hour later, I was on my way back home. Luckily I only had a broken nose instead of a jaw. I was also given a dimple on the left cheek that should have never been there when I smile.

UselessTidbits UselessTidbits
31-35, F
Mar 9, 2010