How Could This Happen

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, on and off come December. He was my first love, he made everything in my life happy and everything we did was special. I thought people envied what we had and how much we were into each other. We started of as friends in class and after class was over we started dating 6 months later. He had a girlfriend who he thought he was going to marry, he loved her more then anything, and sometimes i knew he loved her more then he would ever love me. For the first year of our relationship his past relationship was a problem but slowly it got better. He wasn't flawless when we first started either, he was and still is very unreliable and irresponsible for other people. Since he was my first i think i gave him the benefit of the doubt many times, i thought that is what love meant. I gave him all i can give, my mother bought us food when we decided to live together because we couldn't afford it, i bought him clothes, took him on two vacations which i spent over 4,000 dollars on together, for our anniversary i spent 400 dollars for a hotel room at a resort where he just slept the night we were going to be intimate because it was again our anniversary and sadly we fought as well i was looking for an "i love you" that weekend and when he did say it i felt like i pushed him to it. There were also times in the relationship, well everyday in our relationship that he would come first, i cooked all his meals ( he didn't ask me to i just did it and he got used to it), i washed all the dishes, and worst of all since he was my first i was so excited to have sex with him. We had to wait 7 months into our relationship to have sex because he was still hurting from his last relationship, and then once we had sex he never really was in the mood to have sex. On top of this we were always fighting. I also forgot to tell you all that these were my apartments he was staying at while i lived with roommates. After awhile my lease was up and i didn't want to move back home to my parents house so i moved in with my boyfriend at his place, if i could take this back i would. I got depressed, had to take medical withdraws from school, gained weight from the medication, all while he went to school and lived his life. I felt so foolish because it was after that moment after i got help that i realized i didn't want to be with him anymore but every time he stood me up or we got in a fight i would come running back just because he apologized. I am still in a relationship on and off with him and this fall i am moving in with a friend and he is not going to be able to live there, my apartment my rules but i still feel like i need him for some reason, he is my bestfriend and i don't know what to do without him, i feel like my life was nothing before he came in my life. I am very confused how you just drop a person and forget them. We also have a dog together which he says i can have but i know thats one reason why i keep going back. There are also many other things that my parents have done and i have done but it would take a book to say them all. I remember on my birthday when i was depressed he was supposed to come from the cities to pick me up but he stood me up after my mother and i bought my outfit for that night and prepared the whole night together, my mother and i waited all night but he never so much called. I was so embaressed that my mother had to see me like this. Any thoughts.
damo0501 damo0501
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 3, 2010

I think he has been using you for a long time. he probably aways apologizes because he knows he can get what he wants out of you: emotional support, pampering, money if necessary, someone to fall back on. he is very self centered. Your probably always there for him but its doesn't go both ways why? Because maybe he thinks he is entitled. It is a double standard abusive men have. <br />
I'm very sorry. I know its hard. You should try cutting contact. I know its hard. try envisioning your self with the real man of your dreams. hes probably out there some where and maybe your ignoring that guy cuz you have this jerk consuming you.