You Should Read This If You Are In This Group

...Or if you are just interesting in really knowing about this topic. 

I know others in this group have mentioned this book.   My therapist reccommended it.  Its is an excellent source on the subject and would benifit you greatly if you are in any kind of abusive relationship wether you be victim or abuser.  I warn you though, it may be painful to read: 
"WHY DOES HE DO THAT?  Inside the minds of angry and controlling men."  by Lundy Bancroft. 
heres some excerpts

"Although our feeling can influence how we wish to act, our choices of how to behave are ultimately determined more by our attitudes and our habits. We respond to our emotional wounds based on what we believe about ourselves, how we think about the person who hurt us, and how we percieve the world.  Only in people who are severely traumatized or who have major mental illnesses is behavior governed by feelings.  And only a tiny percentage of abusive men have these kinds of severe psychological problems."

"Do abusive men have a split personality? 

Not really.  They are drawn to power and control and part of how they get it is by looking good in public.  The abusive man's charm makes his partner reluctant to reach ou for support or assistance because she feels that people will find her revelations hard to believe or will blame her....
The abusers nice-guy front helps him feel good about himself.  My clients say to me, ' I get along find with everyone but her.  You should ask around abou what I'm like; you'll see. I'm a calm, reasonable person.  People can see that she's the one who goes off. "


MissLily MissLily
36-40, F
6 Responses Aug 3, 2010

I think the book is mostly to understand what makes an abusive person do what they do but its mostly about the style in which men are abusive so, although it might have a lot of help for understanding anyone that is abuse (such as an abusive mother) its mostly about the way men manifest their abuse. Motherly abuse might have some similarities a but there might be some books that are more about that. Like the book Toxic Parents.

do you mean your mother is abusive or has issues or something else joy?

does it apply to mothers?

Thanks for this

I still haven't finished the whole thing but what i have read is really eye opening.

I will have to read that, it sure sounds just like the man I married...