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Just Because Its Not Visible Does Not Mean Its Not There

I know there are many examples of emotional/mental abuse on here, and each one is important. I also know that this form of abuse can come from both men and women. I happened to be on the receiving end of emotional abuse from my wife. She is now my ex..
 
As a little back story, I had previous issues prior to getting married that prevented me from opening up to people. After joining the military I gained the confidence that my previous issues inhibited, and that is part of what attracted my ex-wife to me.
 
After about 3 weeks of marriage, I got in trouble, she was part of it, and the confidence I gained was lost. She didn’t seem to care about the part she played in it and only belittled me, making me feel worse. She would have left me early on, but she was pregnant with our son. I was unaware that she wanted a divorce early on, and so she stayed for eight years and we had another kid together, all the while never really supporting me and constantly putting me down, always trying to change me, never accepting me for who I was and she would constantly make me feel guilty about different things, including desiring sex. When things failed to be tolerable for her, she would tell two of our mutual friends that I wasn’t trying hard enough or that I didn’t care and ask them to talk to me. All this was so I could be tolerable, not to help the marriage. I never realized any of this during our marriage, but I came to know this after she told me she wanted a divorce and moved out with our kids.
 
Therapy has only been able to help so much, and I’m still dealing with the scars she left, and new ones are being revealed as I learn more about what she was doing. I don’t even know how well time will be able to heal this.

**Edit**

Even though the scars are still there, I pretty much healed. The Lord Jesus Christ led others to me who understood what I was going through and comforted me while I was healing.
Army0917 Army0917 31-35, M 9 Responses Mar 19, 2011

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My story is pretty much the same as yours,but I was lucky and figured it out before she could start on the kids. I,m now a divorced dad with 6 kids,and daily getting stronger mentally,God is the reason for this.(and lots of counciling) lol. I truly believe that God never gives us more than we can handle,and when you believe that you can survive and rise above anything!

emotional abuse is just as real as physical.

I think you sound like, in the least you are headed in the right direction. You are learning about yourself and you move forward little by little. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you or help you but I am sure you have lots of support :-)

Look for brahmis kumaris centre near you www.bkwsu.org for self healing ,including forgiveness,self realisation ,positive living and may more courses,this will help ,i have ben in an abusive relationship before but trust me seeing a psychologist for help did not help me at all ,but once i got the courses at bkwsu ,i feel good acombining there teachings with meditation and listening to commentaries ,you have it bro ,go for it

You will heal from it, it just takes time dear. The good news is your free from her and don't have to take her bs no one has the right to put you down like she did or make you feel that bad. She was the one with the trouble and couldn't talk to you about it, its not your fault its hard to fix something you don't know is broken if a person never speaks of it or anything bugging them.

correct responses are required to deal with these type of people.Straightforward attitude is helpful by telling others how you feel and what you want from others. if they care and change their behaviour its ok but if they keep on doing this, then you have to forget about the relationship with these type of people.

MI PASTOR 1CE HELD THIS TOPIC "LEAVE THE LOAD BEHIND" I SUSPECT THAT BOTH OF U MIGHT HAD CAME WITH A LOAD FROM THE LIFE THEY WERE FROM INTO A MARRIAGE LIFE BUT D FACT IS I SUSPECT UR WIFE DID THAT N U COULDNT HANDLE IT,AM SORRY DEAR BUT THINGS WILL WORK OUT FOR U

LIfe is full of pain in one way or another...no matter what kind of pain you are going thru it always helps to talk about it with those you can trust and confide in and those who will give you wise counsel,the healing comes in time, the more you talk, journal or pray and purge the pain from your heart..prayer helps this along considerably as well as forgiveness....we are all humans and we all fall short, we all make many mistakes and we hurt others even unknowingly...it is so easy to see thru our own eyes, but when you take a minute to see where the other person has been, and thru their eyes, most times you understand better, why they dealt with things the way they did....most time the person hurting you is hurting too...that is why it is always good to take time between relationships to heal...then move on....I pray that the pain in your heart will be replaced with joy and peace and that you will pray for your ex wife to be healed from the wounds she is obviously carrying....if we aid others healing ours comes along faster ....all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are the called according his purpose....

Starbar - Part of it was my fault for not seeing the abuse, but it definitely was there. If I knew then what I knew now I would have packed her suitcases for her when she told me she wanted a divorce.<br />
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It has almost been a year since then, and since she never wanted to seriously give our marriage another try I consider April 28th to be the end of our marriage together. Some things are getting easier but others are getting harder. I've accepted the fact that I'm better off without her (believe me when I say that didn't happen overnight), but I'm having trouble adjusting to being single. I've tried dating but thanks to one of my co-workers I've slowly realized that before I can move into a new relationship I need to be content with being single. No matter what I do I'll inevitably bring baggage from my marriage with me, how I let it affect me is the question. Scars will heal, but the thing about scars is that we know they are there, even if others can't see them. We can either let them heal properly the first time, or we can risk re-opening the wound. The important thing to remember is that if we look around we will see that we are not alone. Each person has something they have learned that will help us. I'm learning all this as I go, and in the future I'll probably learn something new. If you have any questions, feel free to message me.

I JUST WISH UMTHE BEST WITH UR FUTURE DERA,I WISH TO MEET A MAN LIKE U,SHE WAS A VERY SELFISH LADY N SHE KNEW SHE WASNT THERE TO STAY N I GUEZ SHE WAS DONE WITH WAT SHE WAS WITH U FOR,DNT HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST HER DEAR LET IT GO,GOD IS UR OWN WITNESS,ONLY HE CAN MAKE THE JUDGEMENT,ITS GOING TO B FINE