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Finally Separated From My Controlling Husband Of 15 Years.

17 years ago i met a much older man than i and we started to find we had many things in common and started dating, he was 28 years older than i and then we fell in love and he asked me to move in with him and a year 1/2 later i got pregnant and had our 1st daughter and 9 months later we got married....and then my son came along, after this i started to notice my husband getting jealous, never paid attention to it because i thought it was normal and then when our 3rd child came when she was 1 month old he came up to me and told me that he didnt want me traveling alone anymore and where he goes i go and vice verse...till this day i don't know why i put up with it and not stand my ground, i guess i was scared because i had no where to go and no money because as a farmer i didn't work and he said he didn't want me working that he would support me and our children. Since then we have had 1 more child and she is now 6, through 15 years of marriage he has controlled me for 11 years of it...he controlled the money, the bills, where i go and who is allowed to visit me, he kicked my sister out 6 years ago and threatened her with a shotgun, i should of called the cops that day, he has threatened to blow my head off with a shotgun, not to my face, but talking to himself like he always does...the day i decided i had enough i called the police to help me go to my house and get my children that were with him and leave, he was in the field working so there was no confrontation and my 2 oldest decided to stay, and had no say in the matter so the police told me..so i left and went somewhere safe and did keep in contact with my 2 other children, now i am seeing them all and we visit every day and my husband has promised he would change, but when i mentioned i would get a job and find some kind of assistance for money, he told me like he always did, he will support me..so he will never change, now i have realized that i cannot keep going to the house and act like i live there and clean and confuse my children that their dad and i are getting back together, i have to file for divorce and face what ever happens to me. From experience when you find your spouse is starting to control you, get out as fast as you can, because it only gets worse and they will never change..
valleygirl011 valleygirl011 36-40, F 8 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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Its great that you left. honestly though there needs to be more love, people seem to do more emotional abuse no adays, To me its so much easier to give passion to those close to me. Good for you though :)

You are a very brave women. Not manny people have the courage to do what you have done. You have come a long way. I wish you and your children good luck. Your story is very inspiring to read. Even iam trying to leave a abusive controlling husband of 3 years.

U REALLY OPEN MI MIND,AM WONDERING IF THIS IS THE SAME THING BWT TO HAPPEN TO ME.ALL D BEST OF LUCK DEAR,U R A VERY BRAVE WOMAN

It only got worse as years went on, now we all see what he is really about. What he did to me for all those years, he is now doing to our 2 older children. He has a sickness, just like a physical abuser does and he doesn't care he is doing it, or want to stop. So if you are in the same situation, get out of it, because it does only get worse...

my husband is like yours with alot more anger and agresation i feel trapped he wont let me leave and take my kids with me and if i leave them then they bear the brunt of his anger you are so lucky you got out GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Use the police and go to a shelter, get a restraining or protective order against him as soon as he becomes violent and document it..you can do it, if I could so can you. Good luck

"and get him into counseling myself...even if i have to drive him...one day at a time...he has no one to control so now he is doing it to the 2 children he has... "<br />
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Get your kids and learn about codependency. If he needs counseling he will have to do that himself. You can't make him do it. The only thing you can do is protect your babies and change yourself. <br />
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Codependency... learn the word. Google it. Read about it. Overcome it. Go to Al-Anon meetings. Let your ex make his own path. Worry about your kids- save them- and save yourself.

Thanks for the good advice, i actually told him that today, when he asked me to make his appointment..."do it yourself, i am not here to do things for you anymore, now you have to learn to do them yourself" and i felt so much better after...and my son told him yesterday, "it is us or the booze"...they are learning and i am always going to be there for them, even though they dont stay with me...

Thank You and that is what i am doing, but last night he got drunk and i had to go over at 1 in the morning because he was yelling at my kids for throwing out his booze after he had told them too...stayed till things calmed down and stopped him from getting in the truck and taking off with my son...today he picks up my son from school and he is drunk and takes off, so i follow him home and beg him not to travel with our son while he is drinking and doesnt listen to me, so i phoned the cops to look for him on the roads, fortunately they found him a hour away with a DD driver...what a relief..but this is only the beginning..sadly he will keep on and there is no turning back now, i have to try to get my last 2 children out of that house before one of them does get hurt...and get him into counseling myself...even if i have to drive him...one day at a time...he has no one to control so now he is doing it to the 2 children he has...

Do what is right for you and try to save your kids. The older ones unfortunatly can make their own decisions. <br />
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Do what is right for you. Live your life your way.

wow, what a story!! I hope you are fine!! I know many people will tell you what to do in this situation but do what you feel is right and I think you are on the right track!! GOOD FOR U!!