Confusion

not sure how to start, i have been involved with a man over the last  year whohas been emotionally abusive to me. It is over now as he has found someone else, on the one hand I am grateful that it is over as I started to feel that I am losing my mind, on the other hand I wish it would have ended with dignity and respect. he slept with me 2 more times despite already being involved with the other person. it raised my hopes that he will come back,and it felt like abuse to me. during the relationship he gave me the feeling that i cant do anything right and everything was always my fault. he interrogated me many times, left me 5 times, he belittled my pain, he told me he unfortunatly(!) loved me but didnt want to be with me. i was very confused and still am. its hard to believe that i ended up in such a situation for so long. I have many painful memories which torture me and i do not know how to stop the thoughts. anyone in a similar situation wanting to chat?