I Cant Confront My Husband And Counciling Is Not HelpingI know this is a super long post but this is the first time I have been able to get anything off my chest and I just cant stop.
if at least one person reads this and comments I will be so grateful!
I'M SO CONFUSED i JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE I AM NOT CRAZY
I have been married for two and a half years and we have son that is almost two. after we got married we lived with my parents for a couple of months before he bought a house ( I say he because he makes sure to remind me periodically that the house is not mine) it wasn't until we moved in to the new house that I realized something wasn't right.
he spends long periods of time not speaking to me or giving me the most hateful looks if I say anything to him or just walk in the room. he used to call me from work and sound so happy that I was always hopeful that when he came home he would be in a good mood, but he never was. I would open the door for him and smile as big as I could and greet him as happy as I possibly could sound and he would roll his eyes at me and push past me without a word. I began to go crazy trying to figure out what I had done to make him so unhappy.
we have had four violent incidents each one worse than the previous. the first time was before we were married (and I blame myself for not seeing it as a warning, and getting out while i could) he yelled at me for going to clubs and I yelled back and we screamed at each other for about 15mins until he apologized and said he loves me so much, the second time we were married and just moved int the house and he screamed at me for spending too much time with my mother and sister and telling them too much of our business. the third time I was coming home (from my mother's house with our newborn baby) and I didn't have a key because I had misplaced mine and my husband said i could not k, mm have another one because I am irresponsible. I rang the door bell over and over and he never answered, I did have the back door key so I went to the back and tried the lock but he had put the chain on the door so I still couldn't get in. I was just about to get back in the car with my mom when he opened the door . I came in an said( with an attitude) "dont put that chain on the door while I m still out, you sleep too hard and I wont be able to get in) at that point he ran tword me at full speed and started screaming inches away from my face,and punched a hole in the wall I was scared! I started screaming back STOP! STOP! when he finally stopped screaming he told me I could leave his house If I wanted but I was not taking his son, he grabbed the baby carrier and took it up stairs I went upstairs behind him and sat on the bed with the baby. he slammed around and then left to sleep in the guest bedroom. the last time was Christmas eve I called him while I was shopping because someone was selling puppies and he wanted a dog, he told me to get a boy. I I got the boy dog in the car only to find out that he was a she, I knew he would be furious. when I got home he wouldn't speak to me. my mother called later that evening to cancel the dinner that I invited two of my girlfriends to at her house. I called the girls and to inform them that we would now have to dine at my house. the second I got off the phone he stormed into the kitchen screaming at me for making plans without his consent! he picked up my big cookie jar and threw it across the room then picked up the little cookie jar and chucked it at the floor. (our one year old son was standing behind my legs crying.) then he called me a stupid B#%ch stormed off upstairs. I didn't know what to do so I just cleaned all the glass off the floor, later that evening i told him it hurt me that he called me that and he got mad and said " see that's your problem, we can never grow cause you wont let things go"
right after those kinds of incidents he treats me really nice and say he loves me but for the most part I spend most of the time walking on egg shells trying not to make him mad but he always keeps me guessing I never know what will set him off.
nothing I do is ever good enough, I don't keep the house clean enough, I don't watch the baby well enough. and anything that happens is my fault
he never says I look nice or calls me pretty, and he always reminds me that there are plenty other woman who would be happy to have him.
but worst of all he tries to use religion to be superior. he wont listen to secular music, he doesn't smoke, drink, or swear (unless he is calling me a B@$ch). so he says he never sins (crazy right) he says I'm a sinner (because I like going to clubs and lounges, I have been with more than one man, and I drink whine coolers) he says I am lucky to have him. he also says that the Bible says that my body belongs to him (even more crazy)
I know this is an unhealthy environment for my son and for me but I don't now how to get out of it. we have gone to three different councilors but it doesn't deem to help. the first we went to our pastor who knew it was a bad situation but was not equipped to handle it, all he did was tell my husband he has to treat me better. He told him God wouldn't like his actions, but of course this is most certainly not getting to the root of the problem. our pastor referred us to a woman family councilor and this was the worst thing that could have ever happened, we had four sessions with her and all she said was that we need to compromise and that I have the tendency to overreact. she also said in front of him that as long as he inst hitting me there is no abuse. (I felt my heart break, I felt hopeless). Now we are seeing a highly acclaimed psychologist that wants me to confront him, he thinks that I just need to set barriers but no one seems to think that he need help. we spend most of our sessions talking about my anxiety and how it effects our relationship, and how there is so much stress on my husband. so essentially I get blamed for how he treats me and in turn he feels justified. I feel so stuck I don't know what to do. we are in counciling so If I leave my husband and everyone else will once again say that I'm the one causing problems