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I Can't Really Turn To Anyone

I have always been a victim of emotional abuse ever since I was young or at least until my cousin, Tezny was born (who is 2-3 years younger then me). I have 2 cousins who are older then me, one is one month older, Edward, and the other is 3 years older, James. 

I have always felt emotionally left out at school but when it's happening in your family then the hurt I feel isn't anything compared to being bullied at school. And I don't mean it's just my cousins doing it, it's my aunts, uncles and grandparents. The emotional hurt is coming from my Dad's side of family, I absolutely love my Mum's side of family, every time I see them they don't make me feel like life ain't worth living. 

They would always use excuses like "were only joking, she's taking it too serious". First times a joke, the hundredth time is just hurtful. 

I loved all my family when I was little, I was dependant on them as a small child should be. I never complained and I soon realized after I've turned 15 what they were doing. I tried to ignore it but after my holiday with them last year there is no question any more. 

It started when I was 3 years old, my cousin Edward would frame me for everything when he is the true culprit. I would try and tell my grandparents "it wasn't me it was Edward", but they would never believe me and smack my bum. 

When Tezny became old enough to play, I was 7 and she was 3. I asked her if I could have a go on a toy and she threw the toy right at me and hit me on the head. My Mum saw it happen and placed Tezny on a step but when my Aunt came in she said "She's only little". That excuse was never used on me. I was always in the wrong and they were always the little angels in my aunts, uncles and grandparents eyes. 

The fact that my grandparents barely mention my achievements to anyone and rather mention James, Edward and Tezny's. I might as well not exist to their friends. One of my grandparents friends came visiting one time whilst I was there and asked who I was the only response they gave is "Oh that's our other grandchild" and that was it. 

They claim they treat us all equally but they really don't. I get 100% on a test all they say is "Well done" and move on. Either one of my 3 cousins gets 95%, she boasts about them to everyone how smart they are, gives them money, buys them clothes etc...

I went on holiday with them last October but it was just with my Dad's family and 2 of Edward's friends, none of my parents. Shared a room with Tezny and a family friend, Olivia. At the time, Tezny was 14 and I found out she smoked whilst were on holiday. When I was 14, I was never like her. Never smoked, had sex or got drunk at her age. When it was just me and her in room she would call me a c*n*, a re*ard any sort of offensive name.
I was getting fed of being told off for little things by my grandparents, such as running off (when I didn't) or squirting someone with the water gun (everyone was doing it, I was the only one who got told off for it!). Then I let out that Tezny smoked to the only Aunt I actually liked in my Dad's family. Then she told my grandmother, and she told my other Aunt (Tezny's mother). They were angry at her but not as much as they were angry at me. My Aunt came up to me and said "Why did you tell on Tezny for smoking!?". Oh right so you want your daughter to get cancer!?
The only person who actually showed any interest in me on holiday for other then getting me told off was Joshua, Edward's friend. He would always say hi and ask if I'm coming in the pool or want to join the group for a game of pool. He knew Edward didn't like his friends spending too much time around his female cousins or sisters.
One night, Edward and his other friend got drunk didn't come back to the room and Josh feeling lonely at 2 in the morning came round. I was the only one awake so we talked outside for a bit then Tezny heard, let Josh in and lied in bed with him. Any attention I get, Tezny would take it away. Soon Josh left when he realized Tezny had a crush on him. I liked him, but I knew we wouldn't have a chance so I didn't want to fall for someone I couldn't have. 

Then when I came back from our holiday, my Aunt spewed out loads of **** to my parents. Saying stuff like I said I hated my parents and I asked my 11 year old cousin what size condom he wore and my grandparents were backing her up on every word! It was horrible. My Dad would never believe me but my Mum knew they were lying. 
All these lies were told to my Dad a week before my 17th. I didn't want a party on my 17th birthday if the people responsible for making my holiday a misery were coming but my Dad shouted at me saying they are coming. Soon after, all the lies were told to him and he said to me "They said they might not be coming to your party. You'll be lucky if they turn up."
"No Dad, I'd be lucky if they didn't. I didn't want this party, you planned it not me. I'd rather spend the whole time up in my room then being around horrible people who you call family."

Of course, they came. My Dad had to practically pull me by the ankles out of my bedroom. He thinks it's a 'phase' I'm going through. Oh no, I'm just imagining the abuse. When it came to blowing out the candles, the only person who sang happy birthday was my 3 year old cousin and everyone else stayed in the other room. Anyone else's birthday they'd be singing and cheering but they have always treated me badly to know they were not going to sing happy birthday like they have the last 17 times. 

It's hurtful when someone you know calls you names, but when it's someone your supposed to trust and love, it's even more hurtful.

I used to love them, but now I hate them for making me feel like complete second-hand wasted rubbish for the last 17 years. 
"Gemma's got a boyfriend?... he's imaginary I bet. What's his name? Made Up!" - Aunt
"You're a loser, you lose at everything. If you look in the dictionary under loser you'll see a picture of you with your fat head" - Grandparent
"Go away no-one wants you" - Uncle

I don't see them as family, I see them as people who think they are one big happy family who are innocent. Their wall of false reputation will crumble down if I let out what they have done to me. 
I don't want to report it to the police but I don't want to see them ever again.
 
24luverofchoc 24luverofchoc 18-21, F 2 Responses May 2, 2012

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They treat you like **** because you are weak. Stand up for yourself. What do you do when people emotionally abuse you? You emotionally abuse them back! Sure, eventually your heart will turn cold and the emotional abuse you're dishing out will fall on to unintended targets (like when I yell and curse at my girlfriend until she hides in the bathroom cutting herself), but its all about sending a message right. Its totally worth it.

That is not appropriate. I made my heart cold once and I had no friends and known as a miserable ***** because I let people's words get to me and thought I can't trust anyone. Now I know who I should trust with what information. But I think it's more wise to just not see them or limit my time with them.

What an awful family. The good news is you will be on your own soon, and you will never have to see them again. Don't let them get to you when they put you down. They are just jeloues of you, and making you look bad so their children look good. I hope your future away from them will give you some peace.

Thank you, though people tell me that I don't have to see them if I don't want to.

dn't wori bout em, i'm in a similar place but it comes from my mum, it hurts so bad i also sometimes feel as though im a nothing but we should stand up for ourselves, we are people aswell and we need respect.