Hard To Admit Being In An Emotional Abused Realationship To Husband Of 18 Years

My husband and I have know each other since 1989 and been married for 18 years.  Long story short after we had our son, he wasn't around very much, had friends out in his garage came in here and there.  I really felt like a single parent for a while, but figured we are both new to this and busy, just let it go.  He use to hang with my best friend and her husband and then slowly didn't come over and so with my parents.  We got an chance to move out of state (about 900 miles away) to I guess get away from it all and make things better. Later as I look bad, it was not the best choice and my parents and friends could see that they did not want me to go because he was so controlling of me, but I did not see it at all.  We moved and it was hard but though it will be good for us and our son.  As time has gone on, we had another child, but always had some hesitation, but didn't really think of it much..He starting doing the same in our old place, hanging out with friends, never really around at night, me always putting kids down to bed..And what really got things going is when I would start to have sex to make him happy..I believe that has been going on for years and years, just putting up with it because if I didn't I would get a big lecture of hours on what is wrong with me and I guess I just wanted to make him happy didn't want to make him upset and having to hear all this stuff..It has gotten worse and if I don't show him any type of affection, he gets mad, I mean really upsets in which I will hear his complaints of long ago stuff and call me bad names and hours of I call lectures.  Mostly this kind of thing goes on in the early morning around 5am and then at night when kids are asleep..after 10..He says that I have caused this behavior in him..if i could only show him affection and love he wouldn't be like this...I am sure I have fallen out of love with him because we have been doing our own things for years, I just hate to admit that because it is sad, but now the treatment and the control of my friends and family he has gotten is really hurt...If I do not sit with him right then and there I see him pout and later get a fight with it..Now he says he can't stand being around me, he says I am a bad mom, I am a jerk and soo on..it is a huge list.  Some days then he is sorry and wants me to just hug and kiss...I just can't.  My friends and family who have seen his behavior way before me are very supportive and don't want to cause any more problems, but they have encouraged me to get a lawyer just to make sure what rights I have just in case..He has lately threatened me to fine sell the house and go our own way..so now I am not sure what to do and where to go..We did do marriage counseling, but that didn't seem to work.  His bad was verbally and physically abusive to his mom even though he was really young but his older brother remembers and his aunts had taken care of my husband for years.  So I believe he was handled with lots of female love and needs that constantly, but also needs to be a man tooo.  Sorry so long..much more to say, but I have contacted a lawyer to find out my rights just in case things get uglier than they are and if I have the strength to keep up in this marriage...Is that the right thing to do?  What else can I do..I have gone to an interact around here about 2 years ago so at least that is a place to go in case it gets really bad...Thanks for reading this long story, another other suggestions?  I would appreciate it..Thanks you
honda40050 honda40050
1 Response May 4, 2012

you already did a smart thing by calling a lawyer to know your rights. Your husband is lieing about selling the house, he is just trying to scare, bully and black mail you. Most often the judge will grant you custody of the children, let you live in the house, and make him pay child support and ailomony. Just make sure you bring up that he was abusive during your enitre marriage. That is grounds for divorce. He will have to pay all the legal fees, make sure you mention that too. You have the upper hand, don't allow him to tell you lies to scare you into not divorcing him. In the meantime you can have him removed from your home, and get a restraining or stay away protection order. Make sure you mention this to your lawyer, Also when he leaves do not allow him to take anything exept for his clothes. If he comes with the police, tell them nothing here is his, and they will leave you alone and tell him he has to go through the court. When you are at court, he will have to prove he owns these iteams with documents or receipts. But most of all the judge will give you everything maybe even the car. <br />
<br />
Good Luck