Magnolia

I had my son at home.  I wanted to force my ex into being there for me.  I wanted him to finally show he can care.  Who was I kidding.  After years of emotional abandonment and abuse I should have know.  My mid wife left to care for another patient.  It looked like I was going to be awhile so I told her go ....I am sure I will make it for a few more hours.  Just after she left my labour went into full bloom.  I lay there in pain.  Trying to breath.  Trying to just get through the pain.  There he sits.  Watching a movie. Rush Hour 2. 

I want to push.  It's now I tell him.

He calls 911. 

I call my midwife say it's now.

I am breathing and trying to deal with the pain as he watches the movie telling me soon soon. 

He becomes more paniced and calls 911 saying he is not gonna deliver this baby and someone needs to get here soon. 

A huge fireman comes walking in the house. 

Get out I say.  No fireman isdeliverin this baby!  I have a midwife! 

Whew...she enters just then and the team of 911 retreats out of my house. 

My midwife delivered my son......my first and only son.  My three little girls come up to see me with thier new brother.  What a joyfull moment. 

He was still watching the movie. 

What should we name him.  Carter I say.......just came to me.  Not even a name I had been thinking of. 

Yea I like it he says.

Turns out Detective Carter is in rush hour...lol only realized this years later.

So my joyfull experience was once again turned to .....well whatever you want to call it. 

So I had to find a place to dispose of my placenta.  Burried deep in the ground or to the hopsital ......

I have just finished my custom home.  I want to plant a tree and put the placenta there......here it's great for the tree and will always be a memory for me.

Well I have now lost that home.  My ex........well..part of my abuse. 

I want that tree though.......it's in the back yard ......so so beautiful.  A piece of me.  A piece of my life. 

So I saw a Magnolia tree the other day driving down the street. 

I broke down...........totally.............Can't ever look at a Magnolia tree the same again.
flodials flodials
41-45, F
2 Responses May 8, 2012

These men are c***s aren't they? How they can still affect you afterwards is shocking, just know that you got yourself through the labour & you are the only real parent to your kids. It takes real strength & courage to do what you have done for your kids. He can never take that away from you just like he can't break the bond you have with your children - real love not just faked emotions & mimicking. Hope you feel better soon.

I can't imagine anyone being as... detached... as your husband. If I was watching a movie, I would go to help even a total stranger... when my own children were born, I insisted on not only being present but is assisting, and massaging loose my oldest's placenta was one of the most powerfully awesome things that I have ever done—I can't imagine this from your husband's point of view.<br />
See the strength in those Magnolias, flow, and your husband's weakness.