My Husband Abuses Me Emotionally Am Pregnan And It's So Difficult To Make A Decision !!

I am 26 years old moroccan girl. I met someone on Internet 2 years ago we fell in love and decided to get married. We struggled a lot to be together cuz he lives abroad and visa procedure was taking too long. I finally succeeded in joining him and now it has been 5 months since I moved to his country ( he is also Moroccan but wasn't born in morocco). It was very hard for me to adapt to the new country and be away from my parents but that wasn't the real problem. After only one month I discovered that he smokes weed ... He spends the whole day working and when he comes home he locks himself in his room and smokes and works. Lately he started going out to smoke with his friends and comes home very late. I spend the whole day alone waiting for him. Because of that we started to fight a lot. In addition to that he gets sooo mad sometimes about stupid stuff and yells at me and insults me and calls me names. Last week we were fighting and during the argument he spit on my face. 2 months ago he slaped me soo hard that I felt my neck broke cuz I am talking to old classmates on fb and he started saying horrible things to me then I told him "u are not a man" and he slaped me. He keeps telling me that it's impossible that I got a university degree and that I was living in a country where people are dirty ... After the fight he alwaHpys Asks for forgiveness , he even cries sometimes when I tell him I decided to leave to my country. And I feel so sorry for him and forgive him. Now am pregnant and things got worst. He comes home late and drunk and says he does this cuz he is so stressed about work ( he has a stressing job) and he says he drinks now cuz I am the problem , that am not monotonous and that he goes out cuz I am always depressed. But am depressed cuz of him... I have so much to say but this story is getting too long so am gonna stop ( by the way he is sometimes a very good husband ) please help me am so confused ....
Coeurdelait53 Coeurdelait53
26-30, F
1 Response May 9, 2012

Please get out now! I just got out of a 14 yr relationship, 12 of which we were married. It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. If you don't leave for yourself then leave for your child. We had three sons and my oldest has so many emotional problems from being verbally abused and from watching his mother be physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abused. I stayed because he would never let me leave. I had no self esteem and to this day still don't. Part of me continues to believe that it was my fault, something i did, something I didn't do. Part of me also realizes that it just didn't matter how I was. The only reason I got out was because he got on Facebook and connected with an old high school girlfriend and left me. I feel now that its the best thing to happen to my family because I am free. I have so many issues that i am starting to work through and life is just not good right now but i know that it will be. His new girlfriend knows everything he did to me and continues to do to me through text messages and intimidation and she thinks she can change him. I stayed because i was afraid to leave and i stupidly thought it was best for the kids. It wasn't. But please listen to me as i did this for fourteen years. It does not get better, the more you accept the farther his abuse will go until you are just completely gone, a shell of who you used to be. You and your children will be damaged forever if you stay. He might be able to get some mental health help but for him to change would require extensive therapy and probably medication. He would have to recognize that there is a problem first and it doesn't sound like he is ready to do that. Abusers typically don't see themselves as the problem it will always be you in his eyes. I know that its not easy to leave as i never could and now me and the boys are paying the ultimate price. I still have fears that he will come back to me, that he may try to harm me one day. Abusers are always remorseful after they hurt you but just remember its not genuine. After about ten years he stopped any pretense of being sorry for the things he did to me. If someone truly loves you they would never dream of hurting you. Please remember that. You deserve happiness and someone who will treat you with respect. Love doesn't hurt and love isn't enough.