Just Want To Get Out

I am more and more aware of what is going on now.

My father is emotionally abusive. He knows what he's doing, he's probably a narcissist, and he's not gonna stop.

He's in his "nice" phase now. Showing "concern", criticizing less. He says he's gonna support me (what was an impossible thing to hear from him some weeks ago).

I don't believe a single word he says anymore.

Oh, but yeah, it's his nice phase, but he's still playing victim. "You only talk to me to tell me I'm evil", he complains. Just because I've been confronting him a lot lately.

Before, i was confused. What if he is just sick, he just needs help. But no. He knows, he LIKES what he's doing. Controlling all the money, our decisions, our emotions, our words... Breaking promises, laughing of our feelings... Ignoring his own older daughter and telling his part of the family that she was the one that stopped talking to him (that's my sister)... And many other things...So many...

I feel really angry, but most of all, I just feel like I have to make my mom understand that we have to get out. She is the key to everything.

She says we can't. We depend on him (financially). I've been encouraging her to find a job, but I guess she is afraid of thinking of leaving him. I don't know if he threatens her, but he probably does. of course, when no one is around, 'cause he is a coward.

But there are a lot of things on our side now. His family is really troublesome, but in the middle of the chaos they are starting to realize there's something wrong with him. He's starting to let his mask fall in front of other people too. Why couldn't we get out? I guess a lot of people would understand.

This has already gone so far. I don't want to see my mom getting hurt anymore, neither my sister. Maybe my psychologist can help her change her mind. I don't know. I think she's starting to see the truth now. She listened when my father said I was imagining stuff that didn't happen, when I confronted him for like the 50th time. I'm the only one who tried that at home, by the way.

Reading similar stories here makes me feel more secure and strong, but I feel really paralyzed. My mom, my sister and I could find jobs for us, but what next? We'll have the illusion our lives are better now, we'll experience few moments of "freedom", then my father will come and cut us off again, because that's what he does.

He's so smart. And that's what I hate the most about it. The other emotional abusers I read about broke things, punched walls, screamed really loud and all, but he is really subtle. Even his yelling is calculated, not to exceed a certain level. He is getting more obvious now, but still. It's really like he plans everything. And since he hides so many things from us, I guess that's true.

I know that just seeking for financial freedom won't help. At least not for my mom and sister. They need to wake up, to realize that we MUST get out, that it's not just an "option", even though it is hard. I can't leave him myself, I will need their help, and they need mine.

Argh, this is really long again. If anyone read this, thank you and please comment.
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4 Responses May 10, 2012

I run a campaign for domestic violence surrvivors and victims, we offer support and are a charity who is raising awearness of domestic violence and dating abuse, if you would like to join us on our page then please go to www.facebook.com/freedomandempowermentcampaign with have a chat night once a week to where people can join for supportive chats with me and my admins, there is help and support out there and you are not alone <br />
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much love <br />
Kate x

Hun, are you British? This is the UK line - National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. I used them when I left my partner, you can call 24/7 & just for advice if need be. You do need to get away, these type of people just destroy others sounds like your mums too scared & believes she needs him after all this time, sometimes people are in denial - to face up to the truth hurts too much. My thoughts are with you & your mum & sis hope you find freedom soon.

I'm in the middle of leaving my husband who sounds a bit like your dad. He is a smart man; a man who easily adapts a congenial face to befriend anyone. Until you are close enough to stand in the way of what he wants. Then he will use any method he deems necessary to be in control. He is a classic Jekyll and Hyde - which is making my legal process difficult. Every stab to my (and my kids') heart was behind closed doors.<br />
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I'm glad you are here reading the stories of others in this kind of situation. But you're right it is hard to make the steps to getting out from under the control. I've read that it is far easier to break up with a non-abusive person (a little counterintuitive - but not for those of us who live or have lived it).<br />
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Don't be too hard on your mom or siblings. Don't let him divide you. Stay strong together. Please visit the DV website AWarren lists - in a safe location - or call the number 800-799-SAFE (that's their number). <br />
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It is a step in the right direction.

You are right, you all need to get away from your father. It's so hard for woman to leave their abuser, and it is the most dangerous time. <br />
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I'm going to give you the website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline<br />
www.ndvh.org<br />
On the website you can speak to a counselor for free 24hrs, they can arrage to have you move to a safe house until they get you a permenant place to stay, they help finacially, the help legally, and help you form a saftey plan to leave. On the website they also explaine what is domestic violence and the differnt forms of it. Maybe your mom seeing that would make her realize she is not in a safe enviroment, and she needs to do what is right for her and her children. <br />
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I wish you luck, and I hope you receive the help you're looking for.

I have been going through emotional abusive for 23 years. I have a daughter your age. Ii have been so scared to leave. Reading your post has given me strength.