Is This Emotional Abuse?

Hello,
I am just looking for some perspectives on a difficult situation I am in. It makes me feel so exhausted and depressed, and I could need some"outside" opinions.
I met a lovely friend six-seven years ago. We`ve always been "back and forth" between friends and dating. He has meant alot to me over the years, and the five first years he was wonderful, giving lots of nice charming compliments. I have always thought of him as an amazingly kind person. The past year he has changed to a person I don`t know, he is completely different, both in the way he talks to me and treats me.
This behaviour has got worse with time, started with small rude comments, and are now "out of control". I feel like I am being emotionally abused.
My self esteem has gradually decreased and my outlook on life is not how it used to be. I also cry alot, both when I am with him and when I am alone. Lately I have been feeling sick just by the thought of driving over to his house. He has really dragged me down the last months.
He tries to make me feel like a loser by saying that I have no social life, that people think I am nervous in social settings (I dont think anyone has said this, cause its simply not true.) He makes fun of my life, making it seem empty and says that all I do is sit at home.
When I deny this he makes me go through what I did that week/day, who I was with and so on, as to "approve" if my week/day was meaningful enough. I tell him that I`m not just at home, I live my life like everyone else. He`ll say in a sarcastic way "oh yeah... your life is so exciting..." He has also said
-that he doesnt know of anyone who would want my life.
-small negative remarks about my hair
-pointing out all my flaws
-saying positive things about other people that has the qualities that he says I dont have
- that his ex girlfriend is a better human being
than me, because I always disappoint him
- that I can`t be trusted
- that I am "not as important/good that I think I am" (I never said in any way that I was!)
- if I don`t get rid of my flaws he doubts that anyone would want to be with me
- that I have no life experience
- that he has to go to a lower level to explain me things so I understand it.
- that I dont deserve respect.
- that he is pointing out the flaws so that I can improve and change.

....and more... getting depressed just writing this.
When I ask him if he treats other people that way he replies "no, just you." And if I say "I expect you to talk to me respectfully", he says; you dont deserve it.
I have also told him that the comments are tearing me down, and that I am losing self esteem. Once he said in a sarcastic mocking way "oh poor you! I feel so sorry for you..bohooo" and another time he says that it was my own fault cause I "always let him down and he cant trust me".
The last time I saw him he got irritated about something we were talking about, placed his hand in my face and shoved me away. So disrespectful!
My feeling is that this is a bad situation. He is very manipulating in the way he talks, to get things his way and to make ME feel guilty about everything.
My reason for speaking to him at all is because I am having a hard time believing that the sweet prince he used to be has changed so much. I also feel guilty (he makes me feel guilty) about things I could have done differently.

This is not good for me, I`m afraid he is going to completely destroy any positive feeling I have about myself.
What should I do? :( This is bad right?
greenteaa greenteaa
22-25, F
5 Responses May 14, 2012

I'm so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. I feel the same way you do. You are no alone, even though I know you feel that way. In my opinion he's not just emotionally/mentally abusing you but he's also starting to physically abuse you (putting his hand in your face and shoving you). I'd love to talk sometime. I know how hard it is. They seemed amazing and now they have turned into a person you don't know anymore.

Thanks for your comment! I commented one of your stories, hope it was any help! I understand you too & hope you are getting out of your bad situation! EP is a great place to find support and motivation! Take care and enjoy summer! :)

We spend a lot of time wondering why? Why does he talk to me like that? Why does he treat me like I am less of a person then him? That is called control and it is the makings of an abusive relationship. What bothers me most was him putting his hand to your face and pushing you back. In my opinion that just opened the door to a whole new type of abuse...physical. I have been abused since I was young. In fact I was diagnosed with Chronic-PTSD! Trust me...I know abusive relationships. I have just left another abusive relationship...a week ago infact. yes...I know that feeling! I once though my man was wonderful too but then the comments start...the possessiveness...the cutdowns...the jealousy. Everything is done strategically...to break you down! The more he gets aways with it, the more he controls you and he will continue and unfortunatley, it will probably escalate. You need to read other people's stories and put yourself in their place because it seems that if this relationship continues it will only get worse, not better! It is hard when you love someone to say goodbye....but you are the most important person here! Never forget those words. I have just learned them myself! My self esteem is finally building back up! Best of luck in what you decide. Stay strong and always Keep your Smile!

Thanks so much for your comment! I cut off contact with him yesterday. I`m noticing now that my self esteem is way lower than I thought, feeling guilty about even the smallest things and questioning if the comments made about me has any truth in them. I know I`ll feel better day by day and I am going to spend the summer building up my confidence and try to be happy again!
I am glad you got out of the bad situation you were in too! Take care & Enjoy summer! :)

Is he abusing you? Yes!

Thanks for your comment! I recently told some friends and family about it too and they all have the same opinion as you do! I finally cut off contact with him. Take care & Enjoy summer! :)

Yes too bad. It seems you are amazing personality. But it seems he had used you to prove to himself, after leaving from his ex that he can a girl on his own. So his motive then was to get a girl and retain her for a while and that is over. And...sorry to say this he still loves his ex only. So the more you go closer to him the more you will get hurt. The longer you stay with him you will lose personality and life. Sadly it ends here.

Thanks for your comment! I cut off all contact with him, it was just getting too much. Hoping for happier days soon.
Take care & Enjoy summer! :)

I'm so sorry, it seems to me that your lovely relationship has turned into a marriage! (my marriage anyway) I dont know if I am just fantasising but I always think that you should always feel the way they made you feel at the beginning. I think the right man can make you feel like that again. Have you spoken to him about how he makes you feel? what about telling him about how sad you feel without blaming him? he might think about it for a while and come to his own conclusion that he might be a bit of a bully. Hope it works out for you and dont forget to comment about what you decide to do.

Thanks for your comment! :) I cut off contact with him, I couldn`t stand his destructive comments anymore. It`s hard, but it was the right thing to do. My self esteem was getting very low, and he made me insecure about myself. Happier days ahead! :) Take care & Enjoy summer!