Misunderstood

The worst thing about being emotionally abused is that nobody understands your pain, unless they've been there themselves.  The abuse doesn't sound so terrible so most probably they'll tell you or show in other ways that you shouldn't make such a big fuss about it.  But, can they really know what's inside of you?  The shame, the guilt, the anger, the sadness, the low self-esteem?  Those people who tell you that "it's no big deal", really don't know and don't understand.  I don't blame them. The wounds are on the inside so who can see them? 

When a person meets me for the first time all they see is a smiling, well-dressed and sweet young woman who is married and has a kid and has a job etc.  But if they could see me on the inside they would have a different picture.  Every day is a struggle because every single day I have to fight against the voices in my head that tell me that I'm worthless and stupid and no good.  Right now I'm in a boring, dead-end job, but I feel so frightened of leaving and finding something else because the voices keep telling me that I don't deserve something better.  I'm seeing a therapist and slowly-slowly I have started to feel better about myself but as I already said it's a constant struggle with many many set-backs.  The fact that I suffer from depression, several anxiety disorders and that for many years I had to drown my sorrows with alcohol makes recovery even more difficult.  But I won't give up.  I'm willing to take the fight. 
julie295 julie295
31-35, F
3 Responses May 15, 2012

I am just getting out of a 14 yr relationship that was physically, emotionally, sexually and verbally abusive. I have three sons and the toll it has taken on them, especially the oldest becomes more apparent as each day passes. I am a wreck and have no self esteem, self worth and part of me feels that the rape, choking, name calling, everything you can imagine was my fault because I didn't do this, didn't do that. I miss him terribly even though i know he is the most worthless person on this planet and he will never change because he doesn't see he's the problem. I am on here for support too, just because i know that the way I'm feeling is normal after the end of an abusive relationship. I know about the scars, they go way beyond anything that anyone can ever imagine. I never had the strength to leave, the only reason I'm free is that he got on Facebook and left me for an old high school girlfriend. He continues to daily harass me and verbally abuse me and intimidate me through text. Just leave, if you don't do it for yourself do it for your child. It doesn't get better, I promise. Don't be me, don't waste anymore of your life on this man that isn't capable of love. Love doesn't hurt and someone that loves you will never hurt you

Thanks for your comment. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this horrible ordeal with your ex husband. I forgot to mention in my post that the emotional abuse I have suffered was in the hands of my father, and not my husband. My husband is a good man and we try very hard to have a good marriage. It's very tough because the experience I had with my father affects the relationship I have with my husband to this day. I find it very hard to trust him and whenever he acts in any way, even minor details, that remind me of my father, I flip. I can't stand it if he gets angry even if his anger is justified and controlled. I'm extremely insecure and I need reassurance all the time. It's a constant struggle.

Sorry to hear that, especially being your father, the parent whom you probably trusted the most. It was my ex that emotionally abused me, although, now i see your story closely, because i have 2 daughters and they were emotionally abused as well by their dad. Its going to be a journey, but i am well prepared and we are strong women :)

I have suffered emotional abuse as well and i know what you are talking about. No one see the scars that are left behind. Its a difficult journey and the only person that can make you happy is yourself. You need to move on and continue getting help hon. It will come, you will have a moment sometime that will give you guidance. I struggle everyday with being happy, but i know that i will continue struggling and at knowing that i am trying gives me courage. You need to take care of yourself first and hopefully it will give you the strength you need to find yourself. Keep fighting hon, and you are a good person with a big heart. You deserve happiness :) good luck

Thank you ss2012. Your words are so encouraging!

Who was it who emotionally abused you? In my case it was my father. My husband is a good man. But I find it very difficult to trust him.