You're Repulsive!I dated an emotionally and verbally abusive "man" for 2 years. At first, everything was perfect. I was a strong independent woman and I was about to finish nursing school. I met my boyfriend right before I started nursing school. He was a dream. He was handsome, kind, giving, romantic, and showered me with love. I was so infatuated, and uninformed, I missed so many red flags. Things started to slowly become a living nightmare. He lived 3 hours from me. The first time I realized something was seriously wrong was when he threw me out of his apartment at 1am on a Saturday night. He woke me up from a dead sleep after going through my phone and finding a text from an "Andrew". Andrew was my godfather. The message said "I love you and miss you too!" He didn't care.He kicked me out and I had to drive back home in the middle of the night. Things got worse and worse from there. I caught him in many lies about other girls, and somehow he was so good at manipulating me, I'd end up apologizing, begging him not to leave me. I was so hurt and confused. He would lash out at me out of nowhere and call me a c**t. He would mock me while I cried. On thanksgiving 2011, he randomly got mad I was texting my dad telling him I would be running late to my family dinner because I was with HIS family, and he kicked me out of his parents house and called me "repulsive" and made theatrical gagging reflexes in my direction as I cried and begged for him to love me. He told me he could do so much better than me and I was "lucky" to have him.
I constantly thought it was my fault. I mean, he told me it was. I thought there was something wrong with me. He called me crazy, but the only crazy thing in our relationships were the double standards. He could go out and do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted and I wasn't allowed to say anything, not that I minded. But heaven forbid I walk to my car without consulting him first and he went into a mad rage. I was hospitalized towards the end of our relationship for exhaustion and PTSD. He lied to me about an STD test and tried to pin it on me... I even went to the doctor with him so he could get checked (didn't go back into the exam room with him) and for weeks he lied about being tested! I drove 3 hours just to go with him to the appointment! Luckily I didn't have anything. I racked up $1500 in debt after he made me quit my job, oh and school? yes, i dropped out. I poured all of my strength and energy into him. I lost all of my friends, and my family. I didn't speak to my little sister for 3 months. I hated myself. I tried all I could imagine, but I was dating a stairmaster. No matter how hard I fought, I could never reach the top. There would be brief periods of him being overly apologetic, he would cry and beg for me not to leave him, but the minute I took the "emotional bait" from him things plummeted back down. The day I was supposed to move in with him, I changed direction and moved back home after a blow out on my way there. I hated myself, what was even left of me. I changed my phone number for the first time in my life. I'm 3.5 months out now. He tried to get me back, but I got informed and educated, and I knew if I stayed he would have killed me or I would have killed myself trying to please him.