Why Am I So Afraid To Stand Up To Him? He Can't Divorce Me Again!

I'm in the middle of the divorce negotiations with my abuser. We want to try to not hire attorneys, however, I KNOW that I'm going to have to. I am not strong enough on my own, and I know what is fair. He had just bought a condo when we met. He/we owned it throughout 20 years of our marriage. My name was put on the deed. We sold that property (proceeds went to both of us), we built another property with the proceeds and also added more cash, to build. No loan involved. So now, the property we built is still owned by us both and we are in a 5050 state. So he thinks I am only due 25% of the new property. My attorney says no. The second I was put on the deed, it became community property. Well, I have not informed him of this as of yet. I have the documents to prove it. I am SO afraid of the battle that we will have, the I am avoiding it. it is so complicated. we have business, kids, and properties, and he is trying so hard to push me around because he knows he always has. I am a nervous wreck. This is going to cause him to blow a fuse. I refuse to sign anything without my attorney giving the ok. Thanks for listening! I helped pay for the property for 20 years, he owned it alone for about a year or two. We paid it off with our joint cash. He is all about the money, and very greedy. I'm a so stressed.
AnnieLor AnnieLor
51-55, F
3 Responses May 17, 2012


I hope he is bluffing. Just hold your ground. He must know that you are legally entitled to 50% and he's only trying to make things difficult for you so that you just give in.

I can relate. A couple events this week showed me how I am still afraid of his anger and retaliation. But at least my home is peaceful now that I am gone. We have kids together so I have to maintain the relationship. What gets me is having to feel like if I am not perfect he'll use it against me (we are in the legal process of divorce now). I am glad you have legal representation. I would recommend it to all trying to free themselves from a bully.

wow, sounds like my story. I know exactly how you feel, needing to be perfect. Its difficult, but its better than living with what you did before. No one is perfect, we all know that, so continue to be strong and it will come. You have more courage than you know, because you have moved on and that was the biggest step right :)