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I Dont Want To Be Here Anymore

I am 25 years old and I have been emotionally and sexually abused for several years now. My previous boyfriend was heavily on drugs who would beat me, belittle me and then force me to have sex with him because he said it was all my fault and I needed to make things right. He constantly cheated on me as well. Despite all of that I was afraid to be without him and be lonely. I am now in a new relationship and even though he does not hit me he constantly is rude to me and purposely makes me feel like nothing. Once again I am afraid to be without him and be single. A lot of times I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again. I cry all of the time and I look at the scars on my body caused by my ex boyfriend and theu remind me that no one is ever going to love me. I just don't want to be here or anywhere for that matter anymore.
littlebit3 littlebit3 22-25 2 Responses May 27, 2012

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I am sorry you feel that way. i know it's hard, but others will love you! You have more to offer than you know and will not be alone long. but first you must be loyal to yourself. I know you probably think I can't know how you feel but I do. I was emotionally and sexually abused most of my early life. It is hard and death does seem like away out, but how do you know it's not jumping from the frying pan into the fire? The ability to deal with life is also a part of the ability to deal with death since the two are interconnected. Take small steps if you must but everyday try to do a little something to be good to yourself to respect yourself and you will find the way to be happy. If you need a friend or to talk or just a place to vent, I would be glad to be that. jack

I THINK U RUSHED IN2 ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP B4 TIME DEAR,THATS Y U CANT FACE TO B SINGLE ITS BECAUSE U GOT IN THAT RELATIONSHIP IN NEED TO HEAL THE WOUNDS OF THE PREVIOS RELATIONSHIP,N ONE FACT IS U REALY NEED TO GAIN POWER WITHIN UR SELF N LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE EXPECTING ANOTHER PERSON TO LIKE OR LOVE U,NO ONE OF THOSE GUYS EVER LOVED YOU DEAR,YET I DNT KNW U BUT U EXPERINCE TELLS ME U R A BEATIFUL GIRL N THATS WAT THEY LIED TO U SAYING THEY LOVED U COZ THEY ONLY WANTED UR IDENTITY JUST TO TEASE AND BOAST WITH UR BEAUTY, LEARN TO B INDEPENDENT,LOVE URSELF,B STRONG N BRAVE,I WISH GOD CAN HEAL U,DNT HOLD ANY GUDGE AGAINST ANY OF THEM FOR U TO HEAL AND MOVE ON,AVOID TEMTATIONS,