Long Road Of Recovery

Emotional abuse is, to my mind, one of the most dangerous and damaging of all; in its nature, it is conducted in secrecy, it is hidden from society and it is harder to prove than physical abuse.... its destructive and, more often than not, swept under the carpet easily in the guise of 'friendly teasing' but emotional abuse is powerful in its simplicity.... it strips away at your self-esteem, it targets and damages your soul, makes you question and analyse everything that is said to you positively and reinforces everything negative that you see, feel and hear.  It taps into your psyche so much, that like a cancer, it eats away at the very heart of your personality, the damage growing and  becoming ever more widespread, so that, even long after you have escape the relationship or situation, you still carry the baggage, you still question and remain in denial about positive and good things happening to you, for you and because of you.  Its hard to break free from that circle of destruction, to start to believe positively in yourself and your abilities, to believe that you are worth good things happening to you, that you are a good person; there is always that little voice in the back of your mind challenging you,  denying your positive experiences, echoing all the hurtful and destructive things ever said, and its hard to ignore.... I know, i struggle with this constantly. For the most part I can squash that little voice, ignore it, but when something really good is happening, some how or other, that voice seems to grow in strength and it gets harder to squash it..... But, as I get stronger, more confident, the less power this voice has.... and hopefully, one day, I will no longer hear that voice.... but until that day comes, I fight it as much as i can - some days more successfully than others.
lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly
41-45, F
7 Responses Jun 9, 2012

I can't even fully explain my relationship without crying like a baby. Every time i <br />
read a story here I start balling. There's always something I can deeply relate to. Bottom line is if he loves me like he says he does why does he hurt me like this. I pray for you to get strong. Then you can reach back and show me what I need to do to survivfe this abusive relationshipdo to survive r

Someone once told me, many years after I got free - he said - No man is worth your tears and the man who is, wont cause them..... its taken me a long time to realise that my friend, but its true... I wish you every strength and courage to break free, because until you do, you can't start to heal... I am here for you when ever you need a friend, i send you my love, strength and support.

The problem is telling which one is yours and which one is the abuser's voice in your head. I let this man I trusted to get into my head and now that I've woken up to reality, I am having a hard time waddling through my brain, telling one thought from the other.

I know exactly what you mean my friend... and the trouble is you think your getting there but one thing will bring the whole precariously balanced act comes tumbling down and I have to start again... but each time i do i am starting from a slightly more forward position. I wish you well my friend, and send you my love and support.

What you say is true. It's like building sand castles. You think you got it, but then it all comes tumbling down and you're back to square one. How are you holding up? How do you keep going on?

I'm doing good... reflecting and posting helps some, my friends, online and in RL help, but i have to tell myself, on down days i'm a good person.... basically I take one day at a time and not beat myself up 'too' much after a bad day.... they happen... but I am a long long long way from where i started.... and know i can do this.... and you can too, i truly believe that, hugs to you my friend, ;-)

When people talk about being physically abused the "ahhh" factor comes into play and it is a crime in most western societies...but when it comes to emotional abuse, people and society seem to brush it aside as a non important thing. Suffering emotional abuse is very real and in my case has taken 3 years to acknowledge it to and to start healing. Your self worth is zero. Your confidence is zero. The abusers move on and leaves you to believe you are nothing and not worth of love from anyone else. It was so confusing for me and I questioned why why?....to the point of contemplating suicide. What is wrong with the world ...why do people do this to those they claim to love?

Its so true, with physical abuse, visibly the scars heal, with emotional abuse, you can't ever see that healing. Your soul is broken, your spirit crushed. Its a difficult thing to repair. I struggle everyday to keep myself and children positive. We are strong and will get through this. Good luck hon and live,laugh and love yourself.

Very true my friend, and visible scas and abuse are more readily accepted in life, and in society - emotional scars and abuse scare people so it is not so widely supported.Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Good wishes to you and your family , love and Hugs, x

I couldn't have said it better myself...i've always thought emotional abuse was somewhat worse than physical abuse...the scars, bruises will go away...but the emotional scars that no one sees...they take much longer to go away...<br />
I also struggle with good things that happen..my poor fiance takes the brunt of most of it...i keep waiting for the axe to fall, and for him to become what the other man was to me...so unfair to him. Yes, we keep trying, it's all we can do

Its hard when you've been so brutally abused like that and find someone who sees and values you for who you are..... be strong my friend, but lean on your fiance, he loves you, and with his love, friendship and support you can heal.... I send you my love and wishes for you both, thank you for taking the time to read but more importantly to comment an share with me, I appreciate your support, x

It is sad that we have to go through emotional abuses every day in our life!! I have been abused emotionally almost every day every hour by different people in my life. Earlier it used to upset me, made me cry, go inside a shell and hate my self. But with experience i have started to grow strong, take the abuse, still smile and move ahead with life. Sharing and supporting each other is more important and i had none to keep my shoulders and cry!! But here we are at EP, let us support each other and let us come out stronger and better!!

It is hard to free yourself from that inner voice and see yourself through clear eyes. Hugs...wishing you all best in your struggle. xoxo

thank you LG, it is but I am getting there.... slowly - as always my friend, thank you for commenting, supporting and being there...xx