Long Road Of Recovery
Emotional abuse is, to my mind, one of the most dangerous and damaging of all; in its nature, it is conducted in secrecy, it is hidden from society and it is harder to prove than physical abuse.... its destructive and, more often than not, swept under the carpet easily in the guise of 'friendly teasing' but emotional abuse is powerful in its simplicity.... it strips away at your self-esteem, it targets and damages your soul, makes you question and analyse everything that is said to you positively and reinforces everything negative that you see, feel and hear. It taps into your psyche so much, that like a cancer, it eats away at the very heart of your personality, the damage growing and becoming ever more widespread, so that, even long after you have escape the relationship or situation, you still carry the baggage, you still question and remain in denial about positive and good things happening to you, for you and because of you. Its hard to break free from that circle of destruction, to start to believe positively in yourself and your abilities, to believe that you are worth good things happening to you, that you are a good person; there is always that little voice in the back of your mind challenging you, denying your positive experiences, echoing all the hurtful and destructive things ever said, and its hard to ignore.... I know, i struggle with this constantly. For the most part I can squash that little voice, ignore it, but when something really good is happening, some how or other, that voice seems to grow in strength and it gets harder to squash it..... But, as I get stronger, more confident, the less power this voice has.... and hopefully, one day, I will no longer hear that voice.... but until that day comes, I fight it as much as i can - some days more successfully than others.