I Always Just Ask Myself..."why"My now husband and I have been fighting on and off our entire relationship. We have been married for three years and together seven. We have two toddlers together. I always thought we had this love hate thing and we hate and then make up and love hard.
He has always said off collar remarks to me and I never really took it to heart because he has a warped sense of humor. Three years ago, I got laid off and this is when I think everything has taken its toll. Its hard to find work, when I constantly worry about child care costs, which he will not assist with.
Over time he has gotten worse. He makes me feel like I am a horrible mother, and person and that I am a loser. He refers to me as satan and never has a nice thing to say to me. I do EVERYTHING child/parent related. I have always told him that Money doesnt make you a father - but its always about material things to him. And I am just not that way.
A few times its been physical. In March, he ended up giving me a fractured left shoulder. and now its possible I need surgery with plates because it is NOT healing and im in pain daily.
I always said I wouldnt be like this, take all this crap. Im better then that. The emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I have no job. No car. NO money. I feel so awful all the time. I suffer panic, anxiety and depression. My kids are always happy and they are my life because I make them come first. but I am alone alot. We havent slept in the same bed in over four years. He cares more about his computer then me. Two weeks ago I got so overwhelmed I did something stupid and cut my arm a few times near my elbow. Wasnt trying to kill myself, i just wanted a release. I immediately threw the item out and said to myself, dont be an idiot. YOur better then this. I feel like I have no one to talk to. And I feel so alone. He makes fun of me constantily.
crzybutterfly29 31-35, F 4 Responses 0 Jun 20, 2012