Drained By A Vampire

No, not the fictional variety, but the emotional variety. More and more was asked of me, I gave and gave. I gave not only time but trust. And I lost so much of myself in the process.

First it all seemed so caring, so I gave freely of myself, my trust. But then it began.  The lack of reciprocity.  The head games.  The undercutting of my self-esteem.  The direct and indirect statements of me having no real value as a person, only a something, not someone, to provide for his needs.  His silence was oppressive.  I put my head down and tried to ignore it, to accept that it was in me the error lay, as he claimed.  I tried to please.  I gave more.  What I did was never enough, never right, but he took it anyway, while letting me know he was settling when it came to me. 

I stopped laughing.  I stopped seeing my friends.  They knew something was wrong, but gave me space.   I started crying, and doubting myself.  I crawled into myself.  I forgot how to live a day with joy.

I dreaded every day.  It was so much work to just function.  Everything I did was wrong.  I just wanted acceptance and approval. Acceptance and approval of me, of who I am.

I left.  It was so unbelievably hard.   In the process of leaving, I tore that tiny battered remnant of me that he did not bastardize.  I need to find a way to heal.  I understand it is a drive I have, to want to please.  But I don't want to worry that it is a weapon to be used against me, as he did.  I have insecurities, who doesn't....  Again, more potential weaponry....I want to be good, to be kind, generous, considerate, supportive, loving, compassionate, yet all those traits he used against me.  He sucked me dry and spit it back infused with poison.

Yeah.  I was drained by a vampire.

DinahMoeHumm DinahMoeHumm
41-45, F
4 Responses Aug 2, 2012

It took me 4 years and an awesome amount of pain and self loathing but it seems like I'm finally getting rid of my vampire. I have been aware of this concept for so long, yet it's been so hard to admit what he was doing to me. Despite being beautiful, smart, ambitious and interesting (so I'm told by my friends who I've recently managed to reconnect with after years of being isolated from), I feel like I'm ugly and unworthy of any man's attention and like I'm the biggest loser who have no future (and I have a coveted position in finance) - all because of him. He's sick and only feels good about himself when he puts me down and gains pity from others because his girlfriend's such a nutcase - this is what he'd constantly tell people. But now all his friends see him for who he is, some have stopped their friendship with him (because of how he's treated me) and his best friend even helped me throw him out of the house. I have to get back to the person I used to be and I demand an amazing relationship with someone who loves me for who I am and builds me up instead of tearing me down. I'm slowly beginning to realize that there probably never will be a chance of him changing, not even with extensive psychotherapy. I can't let this guy wipe his a** with my life any more (his best friend's words!). Thank you for sharing your story, the more I read about others experiencing the same thing, the more it becomes clearer that I cannot ever let another person treat me this way.

Good luck to you as you find your way clear of the manipulative, lying sociopath that was your vampire. Trust yourself, trust that you are good, focus on your new path, your real friends who are there for you as you start your new life without the constant sucking drain of such a creature in your life. It is hard to shed those blood and life suckers....but it can be done, and it is more than worth it. You are worth it. Congratulations on (re) finding your worth! I hope that you never let anyone else ever treat you that way ever again........

I recently left an abusive relationship. I understand your pain. So far my family and friends have really been helpful to me. This relationship was starting to make me toxic. I know I am not the same person I use to be before I met this person but I am hopeful that I will regain what was lost. I know more than anything God is my key to success for without him I can do nothing.

I am so pleased for you that you are healing. I hope that you continue to heal and to find what you have lost.

You're not alone. I feel the same way, and I ask myself "am I the one who's crazy?" But these abusive men are the crazy ones. I can't believe that these guys would act this way to women that they allegedly "love". I wouldn't act this way to someone I hated.

I agree. Funny how they seem to pick up new victims so easily.......

you will get yourself back...you have done the hard bit and that is escaping...i escaped too yet still found myself missing her. however this is where this group helped as i read story after story and knew that my self esteem being so low would make me think i couldnt survive without her.<br />
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however i did survive without her..infact i thrived without her..i just needed that time to get me back. its kind of like coming off drugs or alcohol in a weird way. dont change who you are, i would just advise becoming more adept at recognising that people will put on a hell of an act, but try as hard as you can to pick up on the things they are not saying. i will trust again but i will make sure my trust is safe and that i know the person can be trusted with my heart. <br />
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i wish you all the luck in the world. i congratulate you on leaving your particular vampire. xxx

Thanks. Congrats on escaping your vampire.... I am glad for you that you are thriving without your ex-gf. I guess your comment about becoming more adept at recognizing the "real" person hits home hard. It is the self-confidence in that judgement that I now lack. I hope you find your special person....