My Brother Abuses Me, Emotionally And Physically.My brother is 21, three years older than me. He is mildly autistic and this is the reason I have always, will always and everyone else makes excuses for him.
H has driven me out of the family home- After suicide attempts and depression etc I moved into foster care. I hated it there and have moved back home, however H seems to have gotten worse.
Ever since I was very young we would fight. LOTS. Far more than "normal" sibling behaviour. Aged 6/7 I had to have a lock on my bedroom door to keep him out of my room and for my own protection. Things got better years later (after him being a drug addict, kicked out of school, accused of rape- the charges were dropped but if I'm honest I'm not convinced..) but since I've moved back home he's became worse again.
He will constantly annoy me (typical older brother) and waits for a reaction. I try to ignore him but H isn't satisfied with this. He will keep going for hours until I can't take it anymore.
He used to physically harm me often and that seems to have started again. Small things such as a push, or grabbing and pulling my nose because I have it pierced and it being squeezed hurts, due to the nose bar going into the middle of my nose. It often makes it bleed.
If I show any sign of weakness, a tear, anger, a complaint then he will call me pathetic. Useless. Nuisance. Why is it that I can't ignore that? For so long I admired him and believed everything he said and I seem to still believe everything. The things he says about me, whilst horrible, are true.
Yesterday he told me my life was pointless. Seems stupid, but for someone who self harms and had attempted suicide many times, that is quite a big thing. I don't seem to be able to let go.
My worst fear is that I will snap and tell him the truth. I know exactly what to say that would hurt him and will try to never say it. But I can't live with this for much longer and I worry that he will push me too far and it will all come out. Then my parents and family will tell me how much of a horrible, bitchy, cruel, insensitive person I am. Same old story.
So yeah, anyway. That's me! Writing it helped me to rant and get things straight in my head.