My Brother Abuses Me, Emotionally And Physically.

My brother is 21, three years older than me. He is mildly autistic and this is the reason I have always, will always and everyone else makes excuses for him.

H has driven me out of the family home- After suicide attempts and depression etc I moved into foster care. I hated it there and have moved back home, however H seems to have gotten worse.

Ever since I was very young we would fight. LOTS. Far more than "normal" sibling behaviour. Aged 6/7 I had to have a lock on my bedroom door to keep him out of my room and for my own protection. Things got better years later (after him being a drug addict, kicked out of school, accused of rape- the charges were dropped but if I'm honest I'm not convinced..) but since I've moved back home he's became worse again.
He will constantly annoy me (typical older brother) and waits for a reaction. I try to ignore him but H isn't satisfied with this. He will keep going for hours until I can't take it anymore.
He used to physically harm me often and that seems to have started again. Small things such as a push, or grabbing and pulling my nose because I have it pierced and it being squeezed hurts, due to the nose bar going into the middle of my nose. It often makes it bleed.

If I show any sign of weakness, a tear, anger, a complaint then he will call me pathetic. Useless. Nuisance. Why is it that I can't ignore that? For so long I admired him and believed everything he said and I seem to still believe everything. The things he says about me, whilst horrible, are true.

Yesterday he told me my life was pointless. Seems stupid, but for someone who self harms and had attempted suicide many times, that is quite a big thing. I don't seem to be able to let go.

My worst fear is that I will snap and tell him the truth. I know exactly what to say that would hurt him and will try to never say it. But I can't live with this for much longer and I worry that he will push me too far and it will all come out. Then my parents and family will tell me how much of a horrible, bitchy, cruel, insensitive person I am. Same old story.

So yeah, anyway. That's me! Writing it helped me to rant and get things straight in my head.
SammaraShradder SammaraShradder
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 8, 2012

My brother is very abusive to me. Today he threatened me so I would do his homework. I did it then got really mad. So I got it back and ripped it up. He wanted to copy it so he found out that I ripped it up. So he came up to my room with a mop and hit me so hard I'm limping. I have so many bruises and it's getting to be a problem, my friends at school have came up to me and asked why I have that many bruises. I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I should just give up. I've already attempted suicide 2. But I don't think I will try again. But my parents were in my room too and they scowled. They didn't do anything. I can't take it anymore. He's done it many more times. He's usually really nice (well just making fun of each other) but this was too far. I think I should just get stronger to maybe fight him. But I don't know because he's so strong. My brother's not autistic but he has ADHD and he get's really hyper. Besides the age difference and height difference (he's like 6'2) and he's in 8th grade. I don't know what to do!

My brother has Anger Problemzz And Does the same with Me . I have Friends and Stuff but it kills me And i Put Up With it Im strong so I would reccomend Tell Him How You feel Stand Up for Urself

My brother is also autistic and 3 years older than me. Reading your story really helped because I know EXACTLY how you feel, IT DOES GET BETTER. When I was around 5 or 6 my brother told me he'd give me $5 if I had sex with him, I told him no and that's when he decided he wanted me dead. He would throw chairs at me, stab my door with a knife, and when I accidentally left the door open my bird flew out of the house so he punched me in the face (I had a black eye for weeks). This abuse happened daily. I became extremely depressed and started to believe all the nasty things he would say to me, I thought if I had a life and brother like this, I must have done something to deserve this. The last straw that sent him to a group home is he broke a glass cup on my face. That was when I was in 8th grade. I'm now 16, since he's been out of the house I still feel the effects of his abuse daily, the injuries heal but the words will always hurt. I am severely depressed, have horrible anxiety, and an eating disorder....But now I'm safe, he can never hurt me again, and that's the thing that makes me continue to get out of bed every morning.