Emotional Abuse... Horrid

Many people might think that emotional abuse is nothing. Physical abuse is something. They are dead wrong. Emotional abuse is just as traumatic. My mother was obsessive combulsive in a deep way. I got more punishment for inconvienencing her thanh anything else. She was very serious and compationate... if it was something that deserved punishment... like rally stretching my bounds to see if I could get away with something when I was young. We all do it and we pay for it. But when the shoes are not lined up and you get this sharp BITE, in the voice of your mother for something like that... it stays with you.

I remember trying to fall asleep at night. I had to trick myself to sleep to reach that point. Back and forth... hoping my mother would not hear the creeking in the bed... "Stop that!" Funny? She had that same voice with the cat! "Ginger get down!!" The cat? Like it was really trying to get on her nerves? A cat is a cat and it obeys instinct! So it jumps on stuff. A, "Ginger? You need to get down from there...bad kitty!" NO. "Get down from there!" Slaps the cat off the chair for it was moving chair cushion just slightly... like it was a capital offence! Or something. So, there I was... rocking back and forth. "STOP IT!" I made no movement. Anxiety crept in. ROCK... "I TOLD YOU TO STOP IT! Off I would go down to the basement... to the place she knew I hated because I beleived at such a young age it was haunted. Crying and screaming I was thrown into it... the door was locked... I couldn't get out. I would feel my way to a matress... "placed there for that very purpose... yes... a punishment matress." Why did she do that? NOW, she couldn't hear me. See made perfect sense to her.

Emotional abuse... why do we have it... why do we deserve it... and what happens to us? What ever it is we live with it!
Sparrowhawk1161 Sparrowhawk1161
51-55
2 Responses Nov 26, 2012

That's crazy. Threw you in the basement? That's seriously messed up.

MY mother was very obsessed with the things she had to do. CLeaning for the prospect of SOMEONE coming over and seeing me as the imperfect chld she thought I would be conveyed. I was in the way! You have to understand, I was never the way I am now... with psyche courses and 5 years working in it... and knowing my own anxiety and depression, I had to clue to what was going on with her... thinking in retro-spect. YEs, my nursery was off her bed room, I could never leave unless I went through HER! Any movement that awakened her got her mad. When I was up, I was either in the 6 ft by ten ft like den which had a door to shut me out when people came over, or I was placed in the basement, in a specific corner to play...as she did her obessive cleaning. But, for a child who knew no other mom, this was normal for me. When I faught for my room, and gained it, it was strug and pull relation with her... But that seemed normal to me. She had her own problems and the countless accusations of me being the worst person in the world and should have never been born was just another thing I heard. Thus, my own anxiety and depression and OCD about what others think about me. However, you have to understand, I knew her as much as I knew myself! When I finally moved out and was on my own, the situation changed. I was no longer in her obsessive way! When my Dad died, she was a ll alone. NOW, things changed... MY sister said it was nothing special, she is just being her minipulative self, but with psyche knowledge and working there, the things you do that hapen to fall into place to make you who you are, I could see her more clearly, the lonely woman who was take from her English home, sent on a boat to the USA and had to come to terms with her own low self-esteeme in a world she could not wuite call her own. When my Dad died... my mom looked to her siblings, me and my sisiter. My sisiter still sees her as the manipulative woman and will always see her as that... for my Dad was her favorite. BUt, when I was born, I had no favorite at all... no one for me... My sister was 13 years older than me and moved out when I was five...I lost my adocate and became a lone child... in the midst of all this. Yet, the life choices I made... like working in psyche and and taking the courses, did not go unnoticed to me. I started to go back into mny life to understand why my mom was the way she was, and she was an adult child. IF I and my Dad agreed against my moms ravings she would convert to this child state and pack her bags to go to England and act like a little girl spurned and this never got passed me. This type of behavior... My MOm was a victum just as much as I was! SOD, when my Dad died, we had to lay down the law for her, my sister and I, We made her depend on herself... and she was such a fighter, she did it... impressive to me. NOw, when I am around her, I am no longer the same. I NO LONGER LIVE WITH HER AND IN HER WAY! I am a visitor and she is sweet and nice! This was intersting...where did it come from? I learned to be a reader of people and look between the lines! MY Sisiter could never do that for she moved out when she was 18 (13 years older than me.) Yet, from the psyche and being the "Single child for the rest of my life, with a Dad who really loved his daughter more and left me tyo my mom's horrible side, I had to start wondering about the woman who made me this way. I started to see her for who she really was.. an insucere person with an anxiety as severe as me but never diagnosed like had the chance too, with no meds or counseling. SO, I saw her as she truly was... a woman who had secial needs. Yet, being on my own, I had to make a decision. Should I hate her for what she did or see it as a problem she had like I did? So, instead of condemning her, I embrased her as my mother, a mother that I should have had if I was not in her way! Then, it became easier for me I forgave her and just went on from there. And, something wonderful happened... I found my true mother, not the own who raised me, but the woman she actually is. I can not live with her... even three days with her makes her resort back to waht she was... but the woman who beyond that! MY real Mother... not the mother rasing type, but the mother who is the woman she is... the WOMAN! I love that about her! I guess not many peole can do that. My sister doesn't for even now, she complains about my mother in the nursing home, partalized from the left side down always trying to manipulate her. I see her and I see my MOM, the woman who bore me who sees me as a man who takes care of himself! The Mom who ALWAYS LOVED ME from thje start but at the time did not show it becasue of her own problems! IT is harder to forgive... but more benefcial in the long run for I know my mom now as the woman who has feelings for me who could not show themm becasue of her own anxious compulsive nature...and being similar, yet, so different, I can at least understand where she came from... and love her. Yes, I was abused and I ahve to deal with the anxiety and OCD I ahve to go through which is most like hereditary and made by the environement I grew up in. BUt, I can make a shoice to see those who made it possible, undersatnd them as best I can and take a different path. YEs, I was abused! That will never go away! But, the person who did it needs at least some thought behind it to understan where they come from. IT doesn't always work...and I am not saying it will work for everyone, but as for me, I was able to overcome it! For less anxiety and depression is better than having more... it's best to find away to deal with it... and as far as my mom... I had the opportunity to deal with it.

This sounds like my mother too. Thanks for sharing.