Lost

I was with my ex on and off for three years. In those three years, he managed to deplete my energy resources and self-esteem to such an extent that I honestly couldn't recognise myself anymore. I still feel like there are two people inside my head. I still feel like he knows and judges everything I do.

The emotional abuse I suffered through wasn't overt. It was careful manipulation, omission and lying. He never called me names - instead he would tell me that his friends or family had said very negative things about me (that I was a *****, that I was fat) but always place himself as the good guy. He never yelled at me; he would refuse to argue about anything, and if we did touch on a topic that was deeper, he would retreat and turn the tables to somehow make everything my fault. He cheated on me and left me for different women throughout our relationship...then would inevitably come back and manipulate me into going back to him. When he left again it was always the same story of how miserable I made him and it was all my fault because I refused to be just friends with him. He lied and twisted everything so much when he was with me that two months later, I still find myself confused and asking: "Was he right, am I the crazy one?".

Writing it seems so silly because I can't give justice to this story in writing. I was manipulated until I could not tell the difference between reality and fiction. I had to get counselling and went through a depression and panic attacks. At one point, after we ended things and I tried to move on, he stalked me through our friends, showed up at my house at one in the morning...He never laid a finger on me, but I still feel afraid of him somehow.
bunnyraptor bunnyraptor
22-25
3 Responses Dec 2, 2012

To Bunny and Broken,

You are right Broken, ,she is dealing with a Narcissist. I too was married to one, he never physically hurt me but emotionally and psychologically he tore me down to where I had not self esteem or self confidence. But i am now out of the relationship/marriage for 8 years now. And I have recently learned about no contact. I have children with this man and when I do not contact him or allow him to contact me it gives ME the control not him which is what he wants. So having the power or the upperhand will make you feel less scared. learning about Narcissism and standing up for yourself and showing that you're not afraid of him will make him less likely to bother you, they don't want you to feel or been seen as strong. good luck!

I've just published a book called "The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse" that is based on a personal experience as well as alot of subsequent research. What you experienced was tragic but know that the Emotional Abusers prey upon the vulnerability of others and do it in such a skilled way that they are insusceptible to both suspicion and proof. What most people don't know is that Emotional Abuse actually ascends simple yelling or verbal bullying and often culminates into even worse horrors, such as elder abuse. You were lucky to escape. If you still need help in understanding what you've been through, my book will help you recognize the traits of emotional abusers and the trademarks of an emotional abuse situation so that you can protect yourself in the future. If you don't want to go that route, please visit my blog for some more insight guntakrumins.ca I wish you the best.

I completely understand. Sounds like my exhusband. it was hard to see it as abuse, because it left no physical marks. Narcissists are very good at chipping away little by little, and leaving you so confused as to what YOU did wrong. So, let me make this very clear, you are not crazy, this is his problem and nothing you did or did not do would have changed the outcome. He will be this way no matter who he is with. I am so proud of you for staying away, it took me almost 12 yrs. He had a way of turning it on me and he played the victim so well that I would feel sorry for him..lol he would stalk, cry, beg to pull me back in just to cheat, lie, and manipulate me again. So, like you, now I'm afraid of him, horrified at the thought of allowing him back in my life, just to object myself to the same treatment. Please know I am here for you