Am I Being Abused ??

Ok let me start off by saying my spelling is not the worlds best and I am sorry for that I am using a speech to text app I'm sorry about punctuation and stuff like that ..

right ok emotional abuse am I suffering from emotional abuse or not as I just don't know ..

Background story .. I'm male 23 living at home with my mother and I stuffer social anxiety disorder depression bipolar I get on great with my family at home best and funniest family can ask for specially my mum

Ok this is where I am confused about am I suffering emotional abuse or not as I have had this most of my life

my grandad/grandfather (my mothers dad) late 70's in age great **** house of a man tall as Hell well over 6'3 about 20stone ex royal military policeman 2yrs national service then went on to become a very successful businessman in life loads money in his pockets


So basically he's bored (I think) so he comes around our house (he has a key) and let's himself in about 8.30 few days aweek as he fines things that need doing (not really just in his head as he is bored) like redoing the floof having solar panels installed replacing the windows painting building a shed in the back garden/yard then turning the main stone shed into a another frontroom redoing bathroom kitchen (like I said he's bored at home so wants to do something with his time so he does all this odd jobs around here to keep himself busy)

so this is where it gets fun ... emotional abuse or not

so mum wakes me up early to help him mostly hand him tools or just make tea as for his age he is fit as Hell

let's start ...

my bedroom was for a bit downstairs as I found it easier to live downstairs when my bedroom upstairs was being redecorated so I'm next to the kitchen what is the dinning room mum wakes me up so as with anyone it takes a bit of time to get out of bed so I find my clothes and start to put them on there is a electrician outside working on the converted shed through the (dinning room) door I'm sure the electrician can hear (grandad) says to me if your not up in 5mins I'm f#####g off home

so most of the day he says stuff like this to me my mom was married 4 times (my mother says because he drives them away)

Daily stuff he tells me .. you will never get anywhere in life being rude to people you have to be kind to people .. and this is the stuff he says to me

every man your mums ever married have been f#####g useless your like your dad you and my brother (called by last name let's change it) say you hill boys are the f####g same f####g lazy useless w####rs (my dad left me when I was one he tried to keep in contact but my grandad burned the letters that was sent to his address as we moved - at the age of 16-20 I was in contact with him but didn't work out a father and son relationship)

mums last husband they are together he just has his own flat as he hates my (grandad) you would never see (#4 husband) doing his for your mother (painting) f#####g lazy useless w####ers the lot of you all the f####ing same (name of town) men he thinks my mum is paying #4 rent on flat .. I bet your f### ing mother is paying #4 rent to that flat I f###ing hate #4 can't stand the site of him

We have a few cats he hates cats f###ing s###ting animals hate the lot of them il skin them f###ing kill them if I could

cutting a bit of wood ... I never get to go on holiday most people my age are off enjoying there retirement and I am here f###ing doing this never get any thanks no one appreciate what I do for this house every man your mums evered married wouldn't do this wouldn't see #4 f###ing doing his would you (remember he has millions he could if he wanted move anywhere and live by the see all the time but no he wants to come and do these jobs) most of the stuff is new he changed the bathroom only 3yrs before (he buys home just to do them up and sell them on as he is bored and its something to keep him busy)

asks me to go to his van to get drill bits come back can't find them I ask you to do one f####g single little thing f###ing thing you can't do that your a lazy w###Ker just like every man your mum has ever married sorry they where in my pocket

he's in shop moaning about the price of a cheap bracket (this is a guy that has millions 50 homes he rents out he buys a new 50,000 car every 2yrs and the bracket is less then one pound/doller I am off looking at the kitchens that are on show in the store as I am in my fantasy world he says to me you don't wanna f####g learn anything you hill boys just like your ******* father like every man you mother has ever married f###ing useless you (name of town) men are all the f###g same I'm trying teach you something and you don't wanna ******* do nothing you don't

going to the tip .. with bags of rubbish .. I can't ******* believe the amount of rubbish I have taken to the f###ing tip from your house (its mostly building stuff that he has bought) #4 wouldnt do this for your mother f####g useless he is

asks me to make him cup of tea I go in come out I forget calls me a w###Ker

he goes but wants me to insulate wall of shed with eco wood but extremely itchy I do one wall he comes and looks at it next day and says to me not well done great job but you haven't done f##k all I asked you to do you don't wanna do f##k all do you .you hill boys are the same lazy w###kers

he goes at night I said to mum that was a great day I was only sworn at today twice I have been sworn at close to 50-60 in one 15min moan. he keeps repeating about how useless the men my mum married I was to young and I never married them mum did

outside loo close to the converted shed same doors as the house so can't hear if I'm in loo or gone in house I go in loo I can he him say oh he's f###ed off now them hills boys are f#####g lazy sods /gits been called that like 20times in one week once

I can't stand up to him at all outside loo close to converted shed rips up carpet replaces with vinyl flooring I say don't put that down if it gets wet we will slip then he goes on swearing at me for a good 5-10 mins

right down to a small child I always go to nans for Sunday dinner I love my nan hate my grandfather once I started growing hair / beard he tells me I can't go there unless I shave my head bold and my beard as I look like a scruffy hedgehog many swear words again I have heard this one repeat to me many many a time

just remember something as I went over to read this again .. I don't know why but I am large I like a good large meal or when I am tired I like to order in bloody minimum order makes me order family meal before they send it out (and no I have never sat there and cried when eating lots and lots of food when I have nothing been brought to floods of tears just go over and over and over about what he has said to me or I just go to bed and sleep it off so I stop myself from being so worked up over it going over and over everything he has said to me that day ..... Anyway the outside loo is tiny and I'm large and so mum was babysitting a younger children someone old enough to use the loo by them self lol they was about 12 and had a very large number two know when you flash the loo but it leaves some there still as I am large I can't even fit on that loo and I had to stand there and not say a word as I cleaned it up and he moaned and sworn at me for over 15mins calling me a dirty this and that and it just went on and on

(At nans and grandads house for Sunday dinner) when I talk to nan about something on tv quietly he gets up in a moan to cut the grass its spitting with rain a bit and the grass is like one inch high but as soon as his next door neighbour comes over its all oh auntie anne (no relation) with her 5 small children making loads and loads of noice that's fine everyone thinks he's great .. my friends tell me I have anamazing grandfather that's rich and how lucky I am (il rather have a poorer grandad that I don't dread) truth is I have a bully that I wish would die in a car crash I some times go to bed with a small tear in my eye I dread going to bed knowing he will be in the next day

I can only take so much now that my bedroom is done and he is painting the downstairs rooms I have been staying upstairs away from him on the phone he says I don't have the common decency to come down and say hello grandad I can't stay in the room with him

later today my brother was in kitchen and I was having a moan about all the things he has said to me over the last few months while he has been doing a lot of work here stuff that don't need doing just he finds stuff to do as he's bored .. and also he has some thing where he can't waste electricity like using only the water for one cup of tea leaving plugs on leaving lights on its 5.30 winter uk time its dark outside and I have to make a cup of tea with out the light on

the shed was done he was in the cold doing some thing on the roof I thought as he said make a cup of time il but the electric heater on in the shed so he can be warm when drinking his tea no that was wrong 10min swearing at me for wasting electricity ... he's has a moan that mum dont use the shed waste of f####g money I bet its only been done so #4 can live init even tho he did it no one wanted it done

ok so like I said I have been staying away from him as he is only doing some painting as its to cold to re-do the whole roof and re-do the windows .. and he likes buying homes and doing them up AND selling them on as its fun to swear at me all day there

ok so he was here today same old same old asked mum where I was I'm a lazy w### Ker for not coming out wants ever the matter with the boy I don't know he's queer (not as in gay but as in funny) staying in his room all day not coming down .. its coz I dont like being moaned at if he goes on a 15min moan about all the men mum has married u can't walk away as he says don't walk away I'm trying to talk to u don't f###g talk to me then .. so I come down about 2ish brother is in kitchen making food same as me and I am going on one, repeating what's he being saying to me the last few weeks months years days (we have a door that can be open from both sides) so he don't knock just walks in and says oh your up then don't come down when I'm here tho

so I began to tell him that I don't come down as you swear at me I never insulted him once only told him this is what u say to me and I don't like it u can't talk to me like that so

I say you keep calling me a w###Ker f##er f###ing this or that b####d you keep on about men mum has married even tho I was to young and I even married them

And he says that its all vicious slanderous lies out of all the people I didn't think ur attack me like this I come here and you excuse me of these lies I come and spend my money and do all this work for you and you don't appreciate anything I do for this family if you wanna play this game (this goes on for about 30mins)

he says he wants all the money back that he has spent on my room in one week (and believe me I can't just give him the money he spent back like that the cost to re-wiring plastering insulation new ceiling New woodwork new doors boards on the floor new large solid fixed desk New carpet New bed new furniture New blinds to give you some idea the blinds are specially made black blinds at £300 the carpet with fitting with underlay is about £450

he says you two my laughing brother all of us (me my laughing brother grandad nan) are now in frontroom as he said you don't even have the common decency to go and say hello to ur nan as I am in the kitchen what do I do walk away when he is having a go at me or stay if I walk off I am in the wrong if I don't walk off and see nan I am in the wrong

he says you can forget you have a grandfather everything I do for you f###kers and you attack me like this says he is taking me out of the will so he's now going to this solicitor and pay £250 to change the will (he has done this well over 6times this year alone) so I am not init all because I told him this is what you say to me and I want you to stop it ... as he leaves the house he says kill the C words meaning kill me and my laughing bro its not nerves laughed my brother thinks he's a joke and stood up to him many years ago

so now he has disknown me taken me out of the will all because I told him you take keep swearing at me it upsets me

I have now decided that he is just one big bully that picked on me all the time belittling me swearing at me putting me down that all I say is f him I have disknown him if he wants his money back he is going have to take me to the small claims court something he more and likely will do nothing is in writing I thought it was a gift

and if he wants to hit me (never has before never rised a hand before) I will have him arrested I will press charges and I will have a restraining order placed on him as there is only so much you can take as a person as I have had this most of my life that I can remember I can remember being 16 and coming home from Sunday dinner all stressed up as he only moans on

so thanks for reading so ...... Was I mentally abused then or not



ironsky ironsky
22-25, M
4 Responses Dec 12, 2012

my grandfather is exactly the same , im stuck in my grandparents house . nowhere to go everyday he tells me oh you look fat or you look stupid. or dont eat this dont eat that . do do that il do that better . do that. be silent youre to loud go away. all the time he even told me i was abusing the dog because i told her to sit. and he made me think i was terrible for days. men in that generation are terrrible . put up some bounderies! with this awfull man .

i often abuse myself and I've read 50 shades of grey

i am a victim of self abuse

Calling you names and manipulating you (i.e. the will, etc) IS abusive. I know he's from another generation but that is unacceptable no matter what the age.