Does Your Past Make You A Bad Person?

I am 18 years old and I finally ended my 3 year relationship with my ex boyfriend. Abuse never popped up into my mind until now.. He told me that he's been pushed around when he was a kid, his brother and his mom aren't 100% okay so he's like the man of the house, he never talks about his dad as much.. could that be a factor? We have been on and off 3 years, I broke up with him at first, second time he broke up with me and wanted me back the third time. He's a smooth talker, but going out for the 3rd time around I realized how insecure he is.. I thought the over bearing attitude was cute because he was never like that before, but then he started fighting with my close friends telling them to stay away from me and him. He's never the type to say anything to your face, he does it behind the screen. His friends tried to give him advice but he pushed them away. I mean when he broke up with me the second time, he left me for someone else but at the same time we has stalking my Twitter and sending his friends to spy on what I do, I had to report him to the principal twice before he left me alone, he got mad when I moved on, it was like that saying.. "If I can't have you, then nobody can." But I was so naive, I just thought that he realized that he made a mistake. He said so many things to that I will never forget, yeah I may have said my share of rude stuff but he went over board.. I don't even want to repeat it. I broke up with him on New Years eve, I wanted to start this new year happy.. And let me tell you, he was supeeeerrrr angry and as usual tried blaming me for his actions. He sent me a text saying "I know what you did, **** you, I hope you're happy" at 3 am! Is he going to return for the fourth time or will he finally give up? I don't want to live in fear anymore.

emotionallydetached emotionallydetached
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

in my experience they never give up, you have to be the one who means business when putting a end to the relationship.

I thought 3 times would've been enough :/ .. I understand though, it's going to be hard because I will always love him.. just not his actions. But even if he were to get help, I could never look at him the same way again.

As a woman who was in that kind of relationship for almost 20 years, my advice is - do not get back together with him! look up different ways to handle this kind of person and do not feel silly or guilty for taking precautions. Talk to people you trust (friend, family, counselor) and if anyone dismisses what you have been through or your concerns, they do not understand the situation...find someone who does. You are very lucky to realize this is not acceptable behavior at such a young age. I hate to say people don't change, but the majority of abusers do not change, they just find a different victim. Take care of yourself, and I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you so much <3
My friends and family have been helping me through it without judging and belittling me. You're a strong person and your words make me feel like a stronger person. Only thing I'm scared of are the memories and seeing his face. But I know now that I deserve better.

Thank you again <3