Growing Tired Of It All

I've been married for 25 years. My 6 children would tell you that I always put my marriage first and that I waited on my husband hand and foot. My husband has always said that I put everyone else before him and that I don't do enough for him. This is and always has been a constant complaint. He loves to point out as many times as possible every day, the various ways he feels put off (or that I fail as a wife). I feel this is emotional abuse and it wears on me. He complains about everything from the way I greet him when I get home to how I serve him his food and even my lack of sense of humor (I don't think it's funny when he plays rough with me like pinching or slapping my bottom). I have asked him to look at the good I do and to compliment me more than he complains but he refuses to compliment or be grateful for anything. Although he does say thank you on occasion for things I do for him, I feel worthless around him and not valued or cherished. You would think since this isn't a new issue that I would be used to it but it wears on my self esteem and since I'm getting older I feel things must change now, I've been more than patient and loving, I deserve to be treated better. He really sees nothing wrong with his behavior and continues to believe that I owe him and should be happy to hear his complaints. I don't see a compromise or a way to stay and save myself emotionally.
LifeGaveMeLemons LifeGaveMeLemons
51-55, F
5 Responses Jan 8, 2013

this was written awhile ago...how are things now? hopefully for the better?

Thanks for replying,I would like to chat too.I'm really new to this site,but glad to have found a friend. I'll start by telling you about me.I'm 45,been married 16 yrs,2 grown kids,a boy and a girl.My son is in maintenance,and daughter is going to college.My marriage is no fairy tale,in fact we are basically roomates. I guess we are comfortable enough with each other and the situation,that we're not ready to take the next step to end it, or make it better. There is really no communication between us, so in the end,that's what led me here.Looking for a friend to talk to

You are very welcome. If you ever want to drop me a line or two,I will answer. I'm a good listener

Well,I'm no therapist,but you sound like a normal wife who at least at one time loved her husband,and you just want to be treated with the respect and aknowledgement you deserve. Nothing wrong with that.Saying you owe him and should be happy to hear his complaints sounds overly controlling and arrogant to put it mildly. I wish you the best in your situation.No one should ever have to be happy in hearing another persons complaints about them

Thank you for your feedback. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Your story sounds just like my story...except I only have 4 children. I told my (then) husband throughout that the things he did and said, hurt me. Hey would acknowledge me for about 15 minutes, and then behave however he wanted. It became normal to have everything my fault. If he told me to wake him up at a certain time, it would have been too early or too late...never right. The day I told him I was unhappy and something had to change (which was prompted by the death notice in the paper of an acquaintance of mine. She was only a few years older than me and I know she was not happy when she died) he started yelling "No other man will raise MY kids!" He kicked over the tv table and tv, went into the next room where the kids were watching tv and said "Girls, you're mom wants to divorce daddy." That was in 2010. The last few years have been very hard, planning the divorce, getting an ex parte, having to call the police, him going to court and getting 2 years probation and using the kids to try to manipulate me on a daily basis...but I would do it all again in a heartbeat because even on my worst day, it is better than being subjected to constant emotional and psychological abuse. I do not know if divorce is even an option or consideration. I did it because it kept getting worse and I have 4 girls who were growing up thinking it is okay to disrespect your wife and I DID NOT want them to end up like me. I wish you nothing but strength to do what you need to do that's best for you and your children. If you would ever like to talk, please message me. I plan on doing all I can to help prevent this sort of life for anyone.

I'm am shedding a tear reading these comments today
It's I'd a mirror of what I am dealing with and have dealt with

Not too much to expect another adult to act in a humane way and be mature and settle propery and seperation and divorce ?
Unless your dealing with a cruel narcissist .
To live with someone like this a long time has proven that I am indeed the strong one . Resilient , honest and loving
As no weak person could succumb to this horrid abuse

Trying to path my exit plan ....not easy
You ladies are a inspiration