10 Years, 2 Bad!

I've been with my boyfriend over 10 years now. The past 2 or so have been sheer hell. He went through old junk papers and hard disks I had from before I met him, one day. He found private conversations between myself and some guys I dated. He went on an immediate insecurity trip. Started telling me who to delete on my Facebook account, broke into my email account somehow and read emails from before I met him and flipped. Demanded I throw away all old pictures of any ex boyfriends I may have in my photo boxes. Picks me up every day at 5 sharp after work to insure I don't talk to anyone. Questions male customers at my jewelry counter. Has forced me to alienate all of my friends, especially the male ones. Gets mad if I wear perfume to work. Makes me sit in one spot on the couch next to him, can't sit anywhere else or he starts an argument. Can't take to long in the bathroom or he'll yell what I am I doing, where am I! He doesn't allow me to be in my daughters room without him being there. Drives me to work on Sundays, comes back for break at 10 and lunch at 1, break again at 4, and back again to pick me up at 5. I'm not allowed to take my purse in any public or home bathroom, because my phone is in it, and he thinks I am speaking to someone. Not even to listen to the radio! I'm not allowed to go to my mothers without him. She asked me to spend a weekend with her and my daughter, and he flipped out on me, saying I'm too old for that. I'm not allowed to speak to my ex-husband without him present. I can't go shopping without him. He won't go visit his mom in the nursing home without me going. He constantly argues with my daughter. He argues with me daily. I'm not making $40,000 anymore, but making $23,000 and financially I can't afford my apartment without him now, and he uses that to his advantage, and refuses to leave if we argue. My daughter and I just had another stupid argument, and we felt scared and threatened this time. We have spent nights in hotels to get peace from him. It's bad. Every day for me is me on a short leash. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. He forces me to have sex. I'm going thru menopause, and have no desire, but he insists! I'm losing my mind, slowly but surely. I used to be a strong self-sufficient independent woman, who lived to provide for me and my daughter after divorcing. Now I'm dealing with this! My daughter is 16 and doesn't want a boyfriend because if what she sees and hears at home. This sux! I've spoken with therapists, in person and on the phone. No help. He refuses help saying my daughter and I are psycho not him. Im beginning to feel like the wolf caught in the trap, and I'm ready to chew off my foot to get out. Help!
SaddenedinNJ SaddenedinNJ
46-50, F
5 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Leave. Yesterday.

You cannot fix him, and he'll just get worse.
He's very abusive, and you aren't married to him.
http://www.thehotline.org/
You need to get help to get out, I think, this guy is dangerous.

Blimey this geaser sounds like a proper control freak!.I know it's easier said than done but don't tolerate it sweetheart lifes to short,and his behaviour is effecting your daughter by the sounds of it.Tell him to jogg on!! then catch a flight to london and ill be a blinding tour guide for ya lol.And if he follows you ill have to chin him!.

you can go to the website natioanal domestice violence, ndvh.org and speak with a counselor, they maybe able to help with some of the issues you are dealing with. This is abuse and all about power and control. Good luck with everything.

Oh, just an FYI, I am not nor have I cheated on him. I have not wanted to be with anyone but him, but he does not believe that. I hope for the person I was with for the 8 great years to come back, but things seem to get worse. Getting more scary and physical and intimidating. Wish to God it would stop and things would go back to normal, or I get another "real" job and move on without him.