It Has Left A Mark...DH decided three years ago to find someone with whom to have a sexual relationship because beating me up emotionally wasn't sufficient to make me sexually available and compliant; poor thing, we victims of abuse don't like being intimate with our abusers. He found someone to bang, and began to rub my nose in the fact, including postings here on EP detailing the ecstasy of his new 'love'.
I stopped taking medication that wasn't helping me deal with the stress, and began to see clearly that what he'd attributed to an injury or feeling safe enough to get angry with me, since he trusted me not to hurt him back, was simply emotional abuse. Nothing more, nothing less. Reading up on the subject helps me see it isn't me, it's him. All him. Nothing I did ever gave him the right to scream at me or put me down as he has.
Funny thing is, this has gone on15 years on a continuous basis, but he can't handle a few minutes of me yelling at him to stop various behaviors and 'wants to leave'.
I'm trapped in a relationship with my abuser; no job means I can't just up and go. However, every day brings more knowledge, and knowledge is power. I don't have a lot of options yet, but I am working on the situation and every tiny step forward is progress and positive.
I'm on to his tricks. I know he's an abuser. Our relationship is on rocky ground, but you know what? What matters is that MY life is getting better every day because I have called my abuser what he is and he cannot hide behind his empty declarations of 'love', and rely on my compliance, any more.