They Have Officially Started Part II...

It is 5.31am and I just had another dream about him... Again it was about something that was not the way it is supposed to be and yet I was blind enough not to see. Everyday since the first step of getting out of my situation I think of and remember more and more things that should have been my eye openers. All I can see now in my head is the way he used to look at me (when and if he did which became more and more rare), don't remember the last time he looked me deep in the eyes to tell me nice things or how much he loved me and the way his face contorted when he was spitting angry. It is getting more and more difficult to see him look at me with love or affection or any form of adoration. Don't we want it to be that way with our partners? When they look at you you want to feel that you're the only person in the world they see? All the recent times I remember being told I love you was, "i love you too" which means he was always only reciprocating what I told him first. It was never random or just because he needed to let me know how he felt.

Waking up after a dream of him is never nice, I start feeling panicky and sad and it is dark out, quiet, and awfully lonely and so the memories flood in and it hits me once again... it is over .... oh but how could I have wasted all this time and given so much of myself away to him, parts of me I will never get back!
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Feb 5, 2013