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I Want To Tell The Truth

I have been emotionally abused, every day for almost 25 years. And I haven't found the courage to admit this to anyone,but anonymous strangers on a message board. This is my second posting, so now what. The other day, I was on an airplane with my niece, coming home from visiting my sister and brother in law. There was a lot of turbulence during the flight and at one point, my niece grabbed my hand and asked, Aunt H, are we going to be ok. Could I possibly tell her that for me, the horrible thought of crashing, didn't scare me, because at that one second, I was thinking to myself, that at least I would be free. How can anyone live through, what I've experienced and still be rational.The answer is, I can't. I want to run, but I have nowhere to go. And so I hide. I hide in my house, I avoid going places and seeing people, because I can no longer function. I have been to therapists and they tell me, that I am smart and strong and beautiful and that leaving is my only option, if I ever want to have a happy life. they tell me, I deserve to be happy, and that even though I'm 50, I still have so much living to do. It all sounds so rational, but by the time I leave their office and get in the car, I drive back to my totally irrational life, knowing, I won't do a damn thing about it. Yes, I hear the words, that I can do this, but I know, I simply can't. when you have suffered in silence for as long as I have, it eats away at your very being. Just don't end up like me, don't wake up one day and realize that too many years have passed and that you've allowed some horrible person, who once promised to love and cherish you; ruin your life!!
An Ep User An EP User 1 Response Feb 7, 2013

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Hi,

Wow! Thank you for your honest words. I know very much the feelings you describe. You said I have allowed a horrible person to ruin my life. I did the same thing. I loved him and trusted him and he left me and never looked back. One key word here is "allow". It is all inside of us believe me. You alone hold the key to your life and you should not hand it to anyone no matter how sweet the promise is. I still cry of course and some days it is just impossible for me to even wake up. I still hope tomorrow will be better though. The only advice I can give to both you and me is, dont dwell on your loss no matter how big it is. It will only make the coming days harder. Live the moment, keep yourself busy with small things and days will just pass by. I pray you find the peace and happiness you deserve someday!

You Too, My friend!!!