My Mother And I...

My life has never mounted to truly anything. However, that can only be my fault, or so I've been told countless times. My mother berates me for how I am. I am afraid to take big leaps in life, I'm not sure why I have always been, claiming that when she was my age she was married and all this stuff that I just can't do. I feel like I've let her down and shouldn't even be allowed to live in the same house because I've done nothing to make her see like I'm useful. I wanted to pursue a career in arts, but to her I wasn't good enough. What I did was nothing compared to her friends daughter, and that I should give up. Countless times, she has ignored both me and my sister for days on end. Then "apoligizing" via a text message, that only says how we should be better kids because we are the reason she does this. I'm not strong willed like my sister, who will tell her something, but it seems to only make it worse. Today, she has layed down some law that neither my sister nor I will be spoken to, allowed to touch our pets, or even touch anything in the house. She will no longer have to woofers about buying food, or even cokkibg anymore since we don't matter to her. I cannot turn to my father or any family, since they all seem to be on her side, claiming it's my sister and I that need to change.

I have worked up as much courage as I could to try and tell her a single word, but it ends up being brushed off and threatened with her to being breaking things. I don't know what I should do. I'm at my wits end. I have thought about ending it all, since she claims it will just make life so much easier of we all commit suicide all with our pets. I can't. I don't want to die. I just want to be an importantance to her. I don't want this suffering. I don't want to be pushed to my limit, to where all I can do us cry and say I don't to her. I want to protect my sister, but also in some way protect myself. I wish life wouldnt punish people this way. Is it easier to just end it all? Or is this life really worth what I have to go through? To put a smile in my face and say its okay to everyone so they don't worry, so she could lie and blame it on me or my sister? I think I love my mom, but some days it's hard to think I could love someone who doesn't love me.
Dearanonymous Dearanonymous
1 Response Feb 10, 2013

I'm sorry you're going through this. Your mother sounds difficult to deal with. I know it's hard, but you have to be strong. You can get through this! Focus on a way to get a good job and become independent. Do well in school and do your best to create a way to move out of this environment. It may not be easy, but you can do it!!!! You deserve it. Try to support each other - you and your sister...