A Game Plan

By sending him that text message asking him not to be at the bar, you were (from his point of view) throwing down the gauntlet and challenging him; he felt he HAD to be there. Stop communicating with him and start hanging out at another bar. Separate your lives until you are past being upset at the sight of him. Please remember that crying and allowing your friends to lead you away is a weak way of handling this and that is how he will perceive it. Next time, make a run for the ladies room if you are going to cry and if you can't stop crying when he is around, leave quietly, with as little fuss as possible; this should not be perceived as a contest between you two and I have a feeling that, right now, that is how he perceives it.

Stay strong. He is a control freak. He gets pleasure from your pain. It is so very hard, because now he is probably turning on the charm. If it is impossible to avoid him, then get yourself something that you can physically hold to give yourself emotional strength. My ex and I had children together.I could not avoid him. My best friend (a man whom I had known for years and is now my husband), gave me a keychain with a small plastic set of testicles. He said that now I had my own set and to hold it when I needed strength. Sometimes I held it so hard, it would almost cut my hand. I don't know if it will help you or not, but it helped me.

You are so right....he does still "win" because you are allowing him to control you!! Your emotions/feelings are your own. DO NOT allow him to take away the little bit you have.

I'm going out of town for a few days, so that will help a lot. I know he'll send me a text wishing me a merry christmas, and that is going to be a hard thing for me to ignore, but I am going to have to find a way to do it.

Plus, I am not ready to tell my folks. They've been having a hard time of it and I don't want to add to it. I'll tell them someday, just not at Xmas.

you would engulf yourself with thoughts of him and in that you would then be looking for him at every moment, so altho usually that is a good idea in this case i feel that it isnt so much so, because no matter how much you practice, when you do actually see him it will still effect you... because the heart and mind still react, but it may work for you, it just didnt with me as the complete situation engulfed me, but i was/am being stalked by the ex, so that gives a different aspect.



i really hope that your able to deal with this as it is now xmas and i would think you will bump into eachother due to having the same friends and it would be great to know you have a wonderful time without the heart tugs.



take care

My sister suggests that I imagine over and over that I run into him and how I will respond. Which is not to react at all. Ignore him. So that when I really do see him, I will have already practiced it. Sounds reasonable to me, but at the same time, I'd like to stop focusing on him in my mind and try to move on.



Why couldn't he just be nice and save the both of us all this pain? Sheesh! What a dumbass!

its a pleasure...



im glad that you are not going to lock urself behind your front door, that is what i have done, i am a hermit now, its hard to come out of it all.. i sound confident in my postings but i can assure you that its trying to help others is what is helping me



i also know that when you have done something that goes against how you are but in this situation is better to do that you need that compliment that you have done good as it helps you succeed in other areas too..



take care and i hope that you continue with your new strength and in those times when you feel things wavering you can message me if you would like to

Thank you so much!



I still need to figure out what to do when he shows up. I'd like to just stay away but then I'll miss my friends and I really think that holing myself up in the apartment is a VERY bad idea. I know that I will see him, I just have to figure out what I need to do when it happens. Besides it making me feel creepy, it makes those around us uncomfortable.

I was brought up the same, i think its the era that we were raised in...



you done great with not replying, it shows your strength is growing have a smile, you done the right thing..



sending you a big smile :) as i know how hard it is

He sent me a text last night to let me know that Elf was on tv (I'm a big xmas nerd, so he knows I like that movie). I was so proud of myself for not answering. I have a really hard time doing that to anyone as I was raised beliving that ignoring someone is mean and rude. This is why it's so hard for me. I find ignoring to be disrespectful so I have a hard time doing it although he did it to me many times. I need to get over this idea.

hes a piece of crap and would be a control freak. stay as far away from him as you can. you deserve better!

hes a piece of crap and would be a control freak. stay as far away from him as you can. you deserve better!

Its hard, because he knows he is effecting you and is banking on this, you made the hardest step by stcking with the seperation, this is the next step, concentrate of why he is an ex in the first place, remember that you are strong, even if you feel like crying when he is about, keep your head high your shoulders back and your back straight, dont let him see that he is effecting you, once he is not about talk to a friend, cry on their shoulder, once he sees (on the outside... for now) that he is not effecting you he will stop trying to...



really consentrate of everything else and not on him, act as tho he isnt there, it will be hard, but your emotions will be able to come out, after he has gone.



i know this isnt a great answer but its the way that i try and be when i see my ex is in the same shop as i am (when i know he doesnt use those shops, but knows that i do) and things like that.