Tale of Two Husbands: Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde
I can't believe it happened to me. I thought I was too smart, too wise. I'd had therapy. Hell, my husband had worked as a mental health therapist for 10 years, and we both have PhDs. Here's my realization: That I'd been excusing his "moods" and assuming he'd mellow out over time. But after his mom died, and dad is failing fast, his moods have been all over the place. Here's what he's said / done:
-While driving, flipping out into a rage b/c he took 2 wrong turns on the freeway, saying "I'm so mad I want to just drive this truck off the road into that wall."
-After being asked to move stuff out of my ONE room (it had been there for 4 1/2 years, and I was trying to feel more at home), he picked up the box, and shook it, flew into a rage, and said, "what do you want me to do stop everything just to help you!" It was a Sunday afternoon. He could have helped or have said no. He stormed towards my room and I had to hold up my arm / hand and stop him because his behavior was threatening and scary.
-A million other times he's flown into a rage -- over how I washed / stacked the dishes in the drain, over forgetting to dry and put away his knife, (the kitchen is HIS . . .clearly). There are a lot of other stories. He's never physically struck me, at least not yet. Oh, and he has guns. At least a half dozen.
When I tell I'm scared, he dismisses it -- he says "I'd never hurt you" -- meaning physically. But isn't terrorizing someone hurting them?
This all coincides with my starting a great career opportunity -- in another city. I admit I took the position BECAUSE I couldn't stand to be living with my husband for over a couple of weeks at a time. We've never TOTALLY lived together because I've had this feeling for 5 years (almost the time we've been together) that he'd get worse, and that I should delay every possible way permanently moving there (I was there 2 months in the summer, and then off and on 2-3 weeks at a time. But now he's pressuring me to move completely, which would mean jeopardizing my job. I doubt if I'll ever move there b/c I'm finally realizing he's probably bipolar, and will never get help (he's toooo smart for that, plus he'd know what they'd say -- yeah, right).
TO WOMEN WHO MAY BE READING: You do NOT NEED a husband. No matter how much money they make, no matter how charming they might be when they are wooing you, no matter how great the sex is. You do NOT NEED A HUSBAND.
I can't wait until I'm single. I'll never marry again.
Signed, Mrs. Jekyl-Hyde