I Will Never Tolerate It Again.
I know this about myself: I see the good in people. When it is not obvious to everyone, I take special joy in appreciating it, nurturing it, loving it. Loving them. There is a lot of good in this world, and it is hidden in some unexpected places.
I expect this tendency of mine came from growing up in the family I did. I have a family of wonderful people...and they are people with very difficult personalities. Of course I love my family; I just had to look for the good in them and love them for who they are.
For years (until just recently) I was missing a KEY ingredient, which was the ability to protect myself. I can do that now. And I will do it when necessary, even if the person I have to protect myself against is my own mother, even, someday, my own daughter.
Here is what I know: I do not EVER behave in a way that I know will hurt someone else for spite. I may be the cause of misunderstandings, I may accidentally hurt feelings or step on toes. I may inadvertently stir up issues that run very deep. I am available to discuss, explain, and correct those things when they come up, which they will, inevitably, in any close relationship. But set out to hurt someone? Nope, not me.
Something else I know for sure: I no longer reward behavior that intentionally causes me pain. It is just sick to reward someone for torturing me, and I am through with that pattern in my life. I want to bring people into my life that treat me well. I am not asking for any more pain.
The deepest pain of all is thinking that someone you love would purposefully hurt you. I will not do it, and I don't want it done to me.