It's Getting Worse.
A while ago I wrote a story about how emotionally abusive my husband is. I was getting ready to leave him and I even had the u-haul on the way. I heard a terrible scream outside. I ran to the barn and found him laying on the barn floor where the cows are. A board broke underneath of him and he fell straight through to the bottom floor. I took him to the hospital and the doctor said that he had broken his back in two places. The doctor also said that he was very lucky because the breaks were considered safe breaks and that it would a long time, about a year to heal properly. I did'nt leave him after that because I thought that would be a very mean thing to do. I felt because he is the father of my kids so I should stay and help just for their sake. I also know that if I left then our crops would not be taken care of and that is alot of money invested and profits to lose. I am also the only one besides him who can operate the combine.
My husband is starting to feel better and is walking around well. I was up picking sweetcorn and he came up to help out a little bit. I thought that was nice because I now he still hurts. He said he was hungry and wanted to know why I had'nt cooked for a couple of days. I said that I was very busy doing my work and his also and I did'nt think that it would be a big deal since there were plenty of leftovers in the fridge. All of a sudden I felt arms around my neck and he began pulling me and draging me out of the field. I could'nt breathe and it hurt really bad. He just drug me out of there and went back in the corn field and did'nt say anything to me after that. I just laid on the ground until I got my breath back.
Our little 4 year old was there but I did'nt think he saw anything. I just went back in the field and continued to pick the corn so I could pull myself together for the sake of my little boy.
This morning we were back in the field picking again and my little boy said to me "I do'nt like daddy mommy." I asked him why and he said "because he choked you" I did'nt want my son to feel bad so I just said "No sweetie, i'm all right. Daddy and I were just teasing and playing around a little bit. It's okay, mommy is okay." I don't want my son to think that way. I don't want him to grow up thinking it is okay to hurt someone.
I realize now that there is really no way out. If my husband can do that with his back the way it is, he could alot worse when he gets completely better. I could never leave and be at peace with it. I would worry every time he is with my kids alone. I have to be here so I know that he won't harm the kids. If I go and the kids are here without me I would worry myself sick.
I'm just plain stuck and I know it.