I Can't Believe What I've Learned About My Husband!

 You know when something isn't right. However the depth of what I learned ended up to be shocking and disturbing.

After being married for almost 25 years of a marriage where I was constantly re-creating myself because one way or another I didn't make my husband happy. Even when I caught him in lie after lie I always managed to allow him to tell a tale that would convince me it was "all in my head". I caught him once before on a chat room which he promised he would never do again. I brought him to marriage counseling twice and as always he made the problems about me or lied his way through it. My life with him became cyclical, he would lull me into a false sense of hope and then I would catch him usually in a lie about a business trip that he could not get reimbursed for or taking classes that he never went to. Each time he told me it was because he didn't want to deal with my reaction because I would yell at his incompetencies. He always made me feel bad, bad for wanting things I could not have, because I made him feel guilty for not providing the life I wanted. After being sick with one annoying thing after another for 10 months in June I confronted him about the woman I saw him on line with that past April. He informed me of his on-line relationship with two women since December. When I asked why, he couldn't answer. He told me they "stroked his ego" because I never gave him credit for his accomplishments. I told him I always spoke highly of him to our friends and then he said but you never tell me. He agreed that I didn't make him happy. I was broken and shattered. He allowed me to lay that way in front of my children for 2 months. Until finally I looked for help. Four months of his punishing behaviors passed never knowing who was coming home Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. No job or means to support myself. Afraid he would choose one of these women and leave my children and me. Finally in December things calmed down. He started acting better. But I knew again something was up maybe nothing had stopped. Last week I found  my answer. The phone calls, chat rooms, adult websites, the things he was sharing over the internet. I was sick and realized that this has never been about me. It has been about him he has allowed this behavior to destroy our marriage, his children's lives and he stands on the edge of loosing everything. Especially since these escapades take place when he's suppose to be working, when my children and I are home. 

It is time for him to go, I'm just trying to find a job so that I can get him out and finally heal. Him being in the house is destroying me. During the day I look at my life, at the husband I've known him to be, the father of my children. But at night we go into separate rooms and I cry until I'm exhausted so I can sleep. I pray that things fall into place for me quickly and that I can learn how to trust someone again.

    

happinessawaits happinessawaits
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Run don't walk from this one! It may be all fantasy at present but I really doubt if he will change. He clearly has no respect for you either. So very sorry X

Hope you can dump this guy soon. What a jerk.