Experiencing Depression

People keep asking me to explain my feelings, to snap out of it. I'm just writing this to explain a bit of depression feels like. This is only a brief explanation because you can't "explain" being sad or suicidal sometimes, it's just your feelings. So here it goes. :
Imagine skydiving; you jump out of the plane, the adrenaline kicks in. It’s amazing. You feel great. You’re so high, you’re on cloud nine, and nothing can bring you down. Then, out of nowhere you come plummeting down to earth. It could be because some jerk has shot a bullet through your parachute or maybe, for some completely unknown reason your parachute won’t open. It won’t budge. And there’s no logical explanation as to how or why; it just happens. Before you know it, you’re falling so fast through the clouds, towards the dirt, when you finally hit the bottom. But you've hit the ground so hard you've broken a few bones in your body. You’re laying there, hurt -because for some unknown reason you fell- unsure of whether you’ll ever be able to get back up. But you try anyway. You’re trying your hardest, but you’re so physically tired, your muscles refuse to move. People gather around you and ask you what happened but you have no idea. You can’t explain why your parachute didn't open. It just didn't and now you’re hurt. Everyone looks at you and asks “How do you not know how your parachute didn't open? It’s your fault, you mustn't have opened it on time.” They can see you’re physically hurt, but don’t do a thing. “Get up.” They tell you. They don’t offer you a hand up, only kind words. “You can do it, you’re strong.” So you get up, smiling through the pain. Yeah, you’re ‘strong’ but you’re still broken and it still hurts.
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26-30
1 Response Dec 1, 2012

i know what you mean. I have been to like 5 different therapists and they have all diagnosed me with different stuff. a few of them have told me that I don't need therapy anymore when I know I do. I have no where near enough money to afford meds and so it is a daily challenge against whatever mental illness I have. I know that I am depressed and anxious and it is like people are nice at first, but after awhile they just expect you to get better. so much for fair weather friends, eh?