He's Obsessive

I dated my ex for one year. On several occasions i wanted to end the relationship with him because his behavior was not normal during different situations. He would continuously beg me to take him back. So i stayed because he would talk and cry to my mother and sister, to make them convince me to take him back. i ended up marrying the guy, which was a bad decission, but at that moment love was blind. A year later i was pregnant of my daughter, within that year our relationship was very ugly, rocky- his parents were always around, not making the situation any better. The emotional abuse was off and on. A couple years later i was pregnant of my second daughter. Then the financial problems started because he quit his good paying job. We lived in a one bedroom apartment for five years. The situation with my in-laws controlling him got really bad, he was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive against me. I had to just get out. I did, with the help of my brothers, i ran down the three story flite of stairs, he was chasing us all the way down. Me, holding my youngest in my arms and holding my oldests' hand, we rushed to the car and off we went. That night my brother took me in to his house, and within the next day i went back to my apartment to get my belongings, assuming he would be at work. I dropped my eldest at daycare and to my surprise, he was gone, along with all of his things. It was heart breaking because in the back of my mind i thought that marraige would last forever-oldfashioned way of thinking. But i thought in my childrens future, and knew that this would be the best way, for all of us. I felt relieved when he was gone, the apartment was mine and my eldest would be able to finish kindergarden. he came back a couple times, but i refused to answer the door. he also kept calling, but i refused to answer the phone. he told me that i was brainwashing the kids against him, which was not true. Within the next six months i filed the divorse papers, but he was still obsessed. It took four years of fighting against the court system until he finally signed the papers. He fought for my money- from my savings, which added up to thirty thousand dollars. I was saving that for my childrens college, i still recall when the judge said, "Are you serious?" The settlements and the divorse was settled finally, after three years- there was family counsling... all the crap that they put us through. Finally, when my sister passed away of cancer, he agreed to stop fighting and settle- but he did not stop from letting me go. Now, ive been divorced for the last ten years, and he did off and on visitations with the kids, and he is still controlling me through the kids. He is still hoping,and has tried dating me off and on, yet he will not get help. he makes me sick, i cant get rid of him. I need to get out. I had no idea about obsessive ex syndrome, i need help. If any counsler is reading this and has tips and steps to get out of this cycle, please leave a comment. ive always felt that he wants revenge, or punish me for something. This was his second marraige, and like i was going to be the one he would take all his anger out on. Its not only affecting me its affecting the kids and it is not healthy for anyone. Out of one person he makes everyone sick.

Todayisanewday Todayisanewday
3 Responses May 4, 2009

The exchanges are what scare me the most. He made sure that it was in the court papers that there were to be no third parties present during exchanges of our daughter. Because neither of us can afford to use the visitation center this is what I have to deal with. I physically shake when I see him pull into my parking lot. I've had nightmares where he shoots me in the back as I turn to walk into the house with my daughter in my arms. I can't stand living like this!

Wow! I'm going though the same with me Ex. He scares me so bad that my my family has to be around for custody exchanges. I'm so scared of him that I shake. I know, I shouldn't let him do this but after being manipulated, threatened and made to feel less of a person for seven years who wouldn't be like that. Thanks for your post periyah1979. I hope that you win. I'm was going through a custody battle with my ex and he gave up. Trust in god and pray. It will work out.

I read your comments. Mine are not that much different. I am so grateful that I am not alone..... I have been emotionally, verbally, sexually, and physcially abused by my ex. He just will not let go. Please her story is not very different than mine. Please help me if you have any ideas.