We Need A Discussion And Chat On This!

This was my story put down Early in Novemember, 2012

"Yes.

Guys do get molested.

But, they do not talk about it. They never do. It's one of those taboos that plagues men from the time that they heard the first comment in there lives..."Big boys don't cry!"

Guys do not talk about emotions. They do not cry on other guys shoulders. They are seen as weak if they allow any emotions through.

And, women wonder why men are so hardened and don't show emotions like the girls.

Guys are told at an early age never to show emotion... so early that it can hurt them. Even there parents say that crying or getting upset at anything is wrong! DO NOT DO THAT! If you do that, you will be punished. At least for me it was...

I had no one to play with. The guys saw me and new me as the cry baby. This meant I was the last to be picked for sports. The last one to be called on to play... and if I was lucky to find someone who wanted to spend time with me... well..until someone came along that was better, I was a third leg. I was called on to play. I played and had a good time... until another came and then there were three... and, I was automatically no longer accepted. The low guy on the totum pole.

Obviously, I thought it was me. I didn't know that the boy who did this was jealous of me because his mother kept saying. "Why can't you be like him. You never do anything right!" I did not know that at the time... until as a adult my mother told me of the high standards that kid had and now I know why he hated me and just played with me only if he had no choice. You don't know that when you are a child.

Yet, something interesting happened in my life. I was not the only one in this boat. There was another.

She was a dirty blond haired girl, very long hair... hardly ever combed who was chastised for being a tomboy. So, when all the guys "ditched" me, they ditched her too. She had a foul mouth and cursed them all... on my driveway... as I watched all my friends leave... which meant only one thing... go back in my home, play by myself or...

Play with Laura.

THANK GOD SHE WAS THERE!

We had a lot of fun... the dependable one! So, I already had a heads up on girls for my good friend, deoendable one was there for me.

What does this have to do with molestation?

I was sheltered. Sexuality was a forbidden subject... actually anything beyond food water and shelter was forbidden... so I knew nothing of the world. And it was about to change!

IN college, I befriended a college professor. Bi sexual. Didn't know it. Until I was grabbed and found out the hard way. I survived it. Confused... angry... frightened.

1982. I told my roommate who also knew this professor. He didn't believe me. Told my parents... there look was classic, "What can we do?"

Go to a woman's support group? It's like going infront of a battle squadron and your the enemy... YOUR A GUY!

So, I suffered on my own.

Do women know that guys do get assaulted and even raped by other guys? Do they know it that it can happen to them? Do they know that they need a place to go? A place to ventilate this?

If you think that a guy can go to a guy friend and cry on his shoulder, you are sadly mistaken. If you think that a guy can go onto a woman's shoulder? I got this impression. "Guys are for dating... not befriending." And, certainly not in that situation. It was like they were saying to me, "If you were a girl... fine... no problem... but your a guy and you are on your own... besides, I was raped by a guy... and you are a guy... so, get away from me... you're the enemy!"

So, where do guys go? Strangely for you, but completely understanding for me, I know girls go through this... it is horrible! The idea of a man harming a girl this way is completely and utterly repulsive to me... so, in a way, I count that is a blessing for me because there are many men who have no idea what it's like to be harmed in that way.

I am in no man's land... neither accepted by men or even women.

So, if I was a real man I would suck it up... right? Keep it inside?

Because I played with girls and have sensativity... I do consider myself blessed! For I could be forever locked in machoism... burying my emotions inside myself and pretending they don't exist... Just waiting for the right place and the right time to come out... like when many guys get drunk and all those walls come down... and they get violent and hurt those they love.

I was blessed to have sensativity... and cursed when I need help the most... becasue the only ones I can identify with...had experience with the best is the girls. Yet, because of societies rules... I must burden this alone by myself.

Right? Right or wrong... this is the way of the world.

So?

I ask a lot! A discussion that is really "cut and dried." A discussion that has no answer for society alreassy created an answer... and that all guys who experience this must experience it alone for the rest of their lives.

They never asked for it. Many don't beleive they could ever get it! But, when they do, it's only another emotional disfunction to be buried inside to come out when drunkness or stress comes and, then, no one knows why... loved ones and even himself.

Is it right that that should happen?

The biggest question is this? What could be done to change this problem?

Yet, I can't help but feel that..."

So... Now...we need a forum and chat Board on this subject.
Sparrowhawk1161 Sparrowhawk1161
51-55
3 Responses Nov 26, 2012

I'm really sorry that you were put through this. Being a woman, I can't truly understand but I do know how it feels to be afraid that nobody would believe or support you. Peter Hermann just came out as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I found it really inspirational. You can watch it on youtube.

I totally agree that there should be more discussion about male survivors. I know Joyful Heart has a campaign to increase awareness. It has to start somewhere.

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Thank you. Rape and sexual abuse is, although discreetly, discussed among women, but the vicious underbelly of male rape/molestation is swept underneath the rug. Your sharing of it is respected and appreciated. I hope you get/are getting the help you deserve.

Totally agree. I'm a guy who has been raped and molested as well. Everyone I've told about it has just laughed at me and said crap like "real men don't get raped! You probably enjoyed it and are just trying to start drama!" It's so sad that we live in a society where men have to be all stoic and emotionless. Then women complain that we only want them for sex. We think that way because we were raised to believe that if we show any emotion, then we are weak and undesirable. So I can totally relate to what you just said, and wish that more people, men and women, would be more accepting of the fact that not all men are just emotionless horny rabbits who like to hump everything.

Yeh, I just wish that people could see it. Once apon a time it was good for men not to show emotion... off to war, protection... and such... DEFENCE! But, we live in a society that is ever changing and women and men hold down jobs now. So, what does that do for the man? The women works and the man comes home to his children. They want to be fed, and their basic needs need to be met... bath, time to wind down and bedtime... while the woman works... and they want to talk about their day at school. They want to be hugged and warmed... and mom is working and Dad is their, which is completely capable for a man. Those emotions that held a "plague" for men are now more important than ever...because what was once women's territory is now men's territory. And, if a man can't express his emotions, having them buried deep down inside, how can he make up the nurturing that the kids need? There is a side to men that is there... the masculine side of nurturing... protection, understanding, feeling, compassion, fun and the ever present compulsion and drive to make things right whatever the cost! These can be an asset to children. When a man gets raped, it's a wake-up call in an area that had never been explored. It can be a set back or God send for the respect and compassion can shape a man into something better. Can be better than themselves... if only they had an outlet to express it. A men's group? Would it get anywhere. Men shut up in themselves afraid to epress a victimization. Or a men's and women's group where there is even flow so men can understand the victimization fully, and can learn the important lessons and improve on their own charactor to better themselves emotionally? Is it just wishful thinking?