Confirmation? Explanations?

I am out of an abusive relationship of only three years. I am that women that didn't believe it happened to her. I was married for 24 years to a different kind of abusive..a depressed person if he wasn't spending money. I divorced him, and within a few months I met my a man that I thought was what I wanted to be with forever. He seemed to be like my dad. Handyman, nice to my children, great with my parents, said all the right things. I married him. We didn't last 2 years in marriage. The changes were suttle at first then got crazy fast. A quick summary:

1. found it funny to scare me when I was reading or on the computer
2. name calling
3. bashing family
4. started bashing my love for ponds, flowers, and yard work
5. started trying to control the money

The list goes on, but since I got out I won't bore you. I have been reading book after book about this type of behavior, and no where does it ever state that the abuser gives up and leaves you. I think this is my hang up where I blame myself. I did love him, but I wouldn't let him bash my family. I stayed strong when it came to that. I let him say the meanest things to me, but once it started about siblings, kids, or parents I got extremely defensive. Is it possible that he just decided he hadn't found a person he could control the whole way? I have stopped all communication and I am healing, but I have noticed things I need to work on. I say I am sorry for the dumbest things all the time. Friends and family can't believe it changed me that much, but it did.
miniparker miniparker
46-50, F
1 Response May 11, 2012

i wish i wasnt so tired because as i read these stories i see such a disturbing pattern emerging i want to scream and then lock myself in my house forever...how can this many of us be being abused emotionally...i use to think women who let themselves get into these situations were idiots and karma came around and showed me just exactly how it happens and now i feel so bad for my old way of thinking on the entire subject of abuse because until it happens to you you have no clue just how easy it is to fall victim to it and how dam hard it is to try and get out..and you are never the same person you were...if youre lucky you can come out better how sad for the rest who come out shredded to pieces barely recognizable to those who knew and loved them before they took up residence in hell...take care of yourself